Together
by CapturetheFinnick
Summary: Just a few oneshots, each a year apart regarding Dan and Phil's life now that they have a child. Phan. Fluff. Don't read if you don't like family fics. Just an idea I had.
1. Chapter 1

**_Yeah just a quick idea I had_**

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><p>I watch Dan as he cradles this little being in his arms. His skin perfectly white, not a flaw to be found. His tiny little fingers wrapped around Dan's as his big blue eyes stare up, endlessly fascinated by his new-found world. I move closer to Dan, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, dragging his eyes away from the baby as he turns to look at me, kissing me lightly on the lips before returning to the baby, a smile lighting up his face brighter than the stars themselves. He begins to hum as he rocks him in his big capable hands, protecting him from all harm, shielding him from the terrors of the world. He passes him to me, the blanket dragging across his knees slightly and I am filled with both a burning sensation of fear and love, I have no idea how I can love something that I've known for barely a week, but I do. Whenever I look into his eyes, my worries fly away and I am sure, even if just for a few seconds that we have done the right thing.<p>

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><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading :)<em>**


	2. Chapter 2 (Age 1)

**_Thank you to Witbeyondmeasurexox for reviewing, here is the next chapter; a year on:_**

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><p>The candles flicker as the singing begins; 'Happy Birthday To You' the voices cry out, 'Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday Dear James, Happy Birthday To You.' I stand by the side of the highchair, watching as Dan carries out the cake, rich, chocolately and heaven to taste. A smile finds its way onto my lips as I flashback to last night, remembering when Dan and I made the cake, messing around like in one of our youtube videos, whilst James soundly slept, tucked under his little blue blanket that my mum had knit him. I remember Dan sticking his fingers into the mixture whilst he thought I wasn't looking and shoving the leftovers into my face when we were done. The singing stops and Dan holds the cake close enough so that James can see it, but not too close that he could grab at the candles. James squeals with delight at the pretty lights, and I help him to blow the candles out, which is followed by a large round of applause from our family and friends. Dan places the cake on the side, and grabs his camera, another picture for the scrapbook. Soon enough, James is surrounded by cooing family and friends who are desperate to pick him up and soak up his little laugh and childhood smile. The room becomes very crowded and I feel Dan's hand snake around my waist as he pulls me to the kitchen, the cake in his other hand. Once we reach the kitchen, he puts the cake down on the side, before kissing me, causing me to lean into him even more. "Time to cut the cake." I say with a beaming smile once we break apart.<p>

"Can you believe it?" Dan says "One whole year?"

"I know." I reply adding, "I love you" on the end.

"Are you sure it's not too soon for those words?" says Dan, feigning shock, his voice dripping with sarcasm before leaning in and kissing me again, this time deeper. Then, I feel his warm breath against my ear as he whispers "me too, more than words can say." and I kiss him quickly on the cheek before reaching for the cool blade of the knife and cutting the cake into equal pieces, feeling Dan's eyes watching me, love burning bright in his irises.


	3. Chapter 3 (Age 2)

**_Thank you very much witbeyondmeasurexox and vogonsoup for reviewing :)_**

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><p><strong><em>Dans POV:<em>**

The day is clear apart from a little biting wind, which lets face it, for england, is practically summer. I walk along, crouched over slightly, my hand in James' as we walk excruciatingly slow, but it is worth it. Worth it to see his little smile as he plods along. I am surprised he can walk at all, the amount of layers I dressed him in, I guess you could call me and overprotective parent. I look down at him, all bundled up in his scarf, hat and orange duffel coat and I can't help but smile. As we walk along, I talk to him, at first it was weird to talk to a little baby, like I was partaking in some kind of monologue on stage or something, but I am used to it now. I talk about nothing and everything, about lions and llamas, and youtube and flowers. It is important to talk to young children. As I am talking about youtube, I flash back to vidcon, which we had taken James to this year. He was the sparkle in the room, endlessly adored by everyone who attended; his joint godfathers, Chris and PJ, his godmother, Bryony, Cat, Jack, Finn, the whole lot. I smile as the memories come flooding back, Jack bouncing him up and down on his knee, Carrie singing songs to him, Cat helping him to build a tower, his first steps round the hotel room. We were hesitant at first whether to hide James away, but we decided he was just too big a part of our lives to hide him from the internet forever, and we would miss him too much whilst we were away. Plus he's had a more exciting toddlerhood than most people in their fourties.

Finally, we reach the park and I see James' little face light up with glee as he begins to toddle towards the swings with a sudden burst of energy, I have to rush to catch up with him. I reach him from behind, whisking him up and into my arms, "Not so fast." I say tapping his nose with my finger and he giggles delightedly. We reach the swings and I place him inside, making sure he is fully secure, before pushing him slightly. The park is completely empty as it is a school day and so it's just me and James as I fuss over him, "higher?" I say "does James want to go higher? higher?" "hi-a" I hear and I stop pushing, my heart stopping for a second as I rush round to the front side of the swing. "hi-a" I hear him reply, I start laughing with joy, his first word, his first ever word. I pick him up and swirl him round pulling him in a giant hug "Did you say your first ever word? you said your first ever word." I coo. I place James back down in the swing before pulling my phone out of my pocket, excitement lighting up my face. The droning ringing sound seems to last an eternity before I hear the deep tones of Phil, "Hey" he says

"Phil" I practically squeal

"What is there something wrong?"

"Guess who just said his first words?"

"No way!"

"Yes"

"I can't believe I missed it!"

"Yeah I wish you were here, its just me jumping around the park in excitement, oh wait I see people, better stop now."

Phil laughs. "What did he say?" he said his voice eager with excitement

"Higher" I reply

"Trust us to have a child with a completely abnormal first word." he says "Not dada but higher." I laugh.

"Anyway I got to go, not really supposed to be on the phone, I love you, bye."

"Love you too" I say before hanging up and spinning round to look at James, a smile lighting up my face.


	4. Chapter 4 (Age 3)

_**Thank you to Vogonsoup and Witbeyondmeasurexox for reviewing. Sorry this is a little longer than usual, I couldn't help myself.**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Phil's POV<strong>_

I kiss Dan on top of his silky brown mop of hair as he desperately attempts to squeeze James' foot into his tiny little shoes. He turns round, flashing me a smile, his eyes lighting up just as the foot finally slips in. "There. All done." says Dan, lifting James into his arms. "Time to go" I say ruffling James' auburn hair.

"Wait" Dan says, his voice layered with concern "he needs his coat."

"Dan" I say, placing my hand on his shoulder, "It is may and we are only walking from the car to louises' house."

"Yes, but he could get cold!" Dan protests and I laugh, Dan lives in fear of James getting a cold, or falling and scraping his knee, I swear, it's what keeps him up at night.

"Where we goin'" says James, his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth.

"We're going to Darcy's" says Dan, his voice slightly higher than usual.

"You remember Darcy, don't you?" I say, earning a slight nod from our son. Shoving my feet into my trainers, I prise the front door open, swinging the keys into my hand as I do so.

It isn't long until we pull up outside Louise's house. Her daughter, Darcy, is the same age as James, and she is one of the only friends we have with a child, and so we have been spending increasingly more time here. I knock on the door, and me and Dan stand on the doorstep for a while, James wriggling to be free until eventually Dan just puts him down, keeping an ever watching eye on him, like some kind of big brother. I am almost about to pick up the heavy brass knocker again when the door swings open, revealing Louise, looking rather flustered. "Sorry" she said "you know how it is." and she stood aside, welcoming us into her house.

Before Dan can catch him, James is off, running through the carpeted hall and into the living room, where Darcy is sat next to a giant pile of lego bricks. James' eyes light up in excitement and he more or less runs to sit down. "Sorry." I say, and noticing that James still has his shoes on, on Louise's cream carpet, I rush over, pulling him onto my lap, once again trying to prise the shoes off of his feet. It barely seems worth it to have put them on. James' starts to squirm, moaning in a high pitched voice about being taken away from the lego, but Dan steps in, pulling faces at him over my shoulder, making him giggle his adorable little laugh. Soon enough, the shoes are off and James can go back to his wonderland of lego. "Want a drink?" asks Louise and I nod, eager for a tea to warm my throat.

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><p>"Okay, so my number's on the side, if you need to call and in any emergency we can be back in 5 minutes." says Louise. "Oh and make sure that Darcy cleans her teeth, and her special blanket is in the cupboard just outside from the bathroom." "Oh and-" Matt cut her off<p>

"They've got it all." he says with a laugh "I'm sure it will all be fine." Matt and Louise are going out, leaving me and Dan as baby sitters. Currently they are late, Louise is fussing about, she doesn't like leaving Darcy and you can tell, the worry is written all over her face. "She's in good hands" I hear Dan say. "Come on" Matt says, opening the door and Louise walks out calling "bedtime no later than seven" over her shoulder as she leaves.

Me and Dan turn to each other and grin, him slipping his hand into mine as we round the corner, seeing James and Darcy curled up innocently on the sofa, right where we left them, their eyelids wavering as they begin to fall asleep. Dan turns to me, "Time for bed." he says, and the kids turn to look at him, their eyes big and bright.

We do the full routine, bath, pyjamas and teeth cleaning and by the end of it, me and Dan are almost as tired as the kids themselves. I am coming back from the kitchen with a cup of tea when I hear words wafting from the kids room, I walk in to see Dan, a book clutched in his hands as he reads, his voice animated, his accent different for every character. A smile spreads its way to my lips and I watch him from the doorway, the tea warming my hands as his words warm my heart. He has finished the story, my tea is long since gone and the children are fast asleep by the time he notices me, a silhouette in the doorway. He blushes slightly and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me, his smile alone making me happy. I lean in and kiss him as he shuts the door, my lips moving alongside his. I break off the kiss, smiling wider now. He laughs and links his hand into mine, "buffy?" he says, motioning to the living room door.

"You know me so well." I reply.

**Louise's POV**

It is much later than I said it would be and I feel guilty at leaving Dan and Phil for so long, we couldn't get away, every time we tried to leave, the couple get dragging us back into conversation like a fish on a rod. The moon is shining bright in the sky by the time we escape, my cold hands fumbling with the car keys as we drive off, back home.

As I enter the house I call out softly "Dan? Phil?" but the house is dark apart from one strip of light coming from under the living room door, Softly I push the door open. The tv is still running in the background but Dan and Phil are fast asleep, Phil's arms wrapped around Dan's chest and his leg hooked over Dan's. I reach for the remote to turn the tv off, debating whether or not to wake them up. Matt walks in, a smile reaching his face when he spies them. "They can sleep here for tonight, I guess then." he says with a laugh and we close the door, letting the soft sounds of sleeping be the only thing that fills the room.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading and please please please review, it means a lot! Also, if you have any suggestions or ideas for any further chapters or anything you especially want me to write (in this story or otherwise) please just say! :)<em>**


	5. Chapter 5 (Age 4)

_**Sorry it's been a while but I typed this whole chapter up and then lost it and didn't have the motivation to write it up all over again till now. Thank you to witbeyondmeasurexox, vogonsoup, uhnonniemiss and TheAmazingInternetFangirl for reviewing. Here we go;**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Five<strong>_

Phil's POV

I see James' bottom lip start to tremble in the rearview mirror as I pull up. He is scared and, who can blame him? He's been living in his own little perfect bubble for so long, but now all that is about to change; It's time for school.

I glance round nervously to see him anxiously wrapping his hands in his oversized, red jumper, his regulation black school bag perched at his tiny little feet. His big eyes look up at me, glistening with an overwhelming fear. All I want to do is wrap my arms round him and cuddle him, tell him it's alright, that he doesn't have to do this, not today, not ever if he doesn't want to. But of course I can't do that. He still seems too small to go to school, his uniform dwarfs him, making him look more fragile than ever and his face is still round with the innocence of childhood. I slip my hand into Dan's, trying to gain some strength from him, causing him to look up at me and smile. "Right, time to go!" he says, in his best I'm-trying-to-be-cheerful-even-though-I-don't-like-this-either voice, but James is still staring out the window at the seemingly sinister building looming ahead.

Dan opens the door of the rusty, red ford and slams it shut behind him, wincing as the metal crashes together. Then, running his hand through his deep chocolate hair like he always does when he's nervous, he walks round to James' side of the car. Standing up straight and with his face as serious as it will ever be, he opens the door, simultaneously announcing "After you, your highness." rising a giggle out of James. It works for about a second, and James' fear seems to melt away but then it returns, growing larger in his eyes. Dan sighs and says "come here." before lifting him up, a giant genuine smile written all over his face. "I guess I'm carrying the bag then?" I sigh  
>"Of course, that's what you're here for," Dan replies "Our own personal packhorse, right James?" James nodded,<br>"Yes! Come along, horsey!" I neigh and canter about, whipping my hair about like a mane. I ignore the stares from the normal, boring people, all I hear is the sound of joyous laughter escaping the lips of the two boys I love most in the world.

As we wind up the everlasting hill, I make faces to James, and he laughs, his head peeking out, over Dan's black clad shoulder. Soon enough we reach the aggressively cherry red door that leads to the classroom. Standing by the door is a young woman with belligerently blond hair and a smile so wide she could fit a coat hanger in her mouth. Upon seeing James' her smile gets wider somehow and she bends down, opening her arms like she expects a welcoming hug, but James' won't hug her, he clings to Dan's torso like a monkey. Dan tries to convince him to go inside, but he won't and I can see tears threatening to spill out of his big brown eyes. Leaning in, I whisper "Be brave like a lion." and as he turns his head to look at me, I put my fingers up like claws and mouth the word "Roar" to him. He drops from Dan's arms and I pull both him and Dan in for a big hug, ruffling his scruffy blond hair. He is turning to go when I pull him back, putting my finger to my lips and unzipping his bag before dropping Lion inside. His eyes widen and he nods in agreement, putting his own chubby little finger to his lips. Then, he turns and runs, wobbling like a baby penguin, bypassing the golden teacher as he runs straight into the classroom, pausing only once to turn round and wave his little baby fingers at us one more time.

I smile and, turning to look at Dan, I see he has tears glistening in his eyes. "Are you crying?" I say, laughing slightly.  
>"Shut up!" he says, as he pushes me, causing me to stumble across the pavement almost knocking over an angry looking business woman. "You are!" I say before wrapping my arms around his shoulders, "I love you" I say, before joining our lips in a kiss every bit as sweet as our first. I don't think I will ever tire of kissing Dan.<p>

An angry cough from behind us causes us to split and I turn round, blushing slightly. "Do you have a problem?" I hear Dan say as I feel myself internally groan. "I don't think that is appropriate here." says the man, boldly looking into Dan's eyes.  
>"Why because I'm gay?" says Dan as everyone surrounding us throws their eyes to the ground and shuffles awkwardly.<br>"Yes, actually. It's not a good message for the children." retorts the man and I have to pull Dan away, flames of anger rising in his eyes as I struggle to push him. "Phil, let go!" he shouts.  
>"Dan, this is a primary school!" I remind him, "Be the bigger person." and he stops struggling slightly and allows me to lead him back down the hill towards our tarnished car.<p>

He climbs back into the car, anger seething in his stomach. "I hate him." he spits  
>"I know."<br>"How dare he, in this day and age?" He rants.  
>"I know Dan, but there are always going to be people like that and there's no point getting worked up over it. We know he's wrong and that's all that matters." I do my best to console him.<br>"I just don't want our son to grow up in a world where those sort of ideas are still deemed acceptable!" he says.  
>"I know, I know" I say, slipping my hand into Dan's. He turns to me, and his face relaxes slightly.<br>"I love you." he says.  
>"Me too." I reply, stroking my finger along his wedding ring.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading and please review! P.S do you prefer longer chapters like this or shorter ones?<strong>_


	6. Chapter 6 (Age 5)

_**Thank you to uhnonniemiss and witbeyondmeasureXOX for your kind reviews and help!**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Six<strong>_

Phils POV

I wait outside the building, stood awkwardly with my hands in my pockets, glancing steadily around. Every so often, I catch the eyes of a fellow parent and have to force a smile before hurridly swinging my eyes away. I don't know any of the parents here, really. I guess they're not really my kind of people, they frown upon the age of me and Dan a bit, and our lack of a 'proper' profession. I see them all forming circles, giggling together and discussing class and things and I feel like I am back at school again, and I am still the kid in the corner with no friends. Except this time I'm not changing myself to fit in, I learnt that lesson a long time ago.

When I finally hear the ring of the bell, it's like music to my ears and the anxiety that had begun to build in my chest melts away. I glance eagerly towards the door, waiting for James' to burst out.

The door swings open and kids pour out like a wave of water trapped behind a door. I search the faces until I see James. My smile fades; he is crying. I begin to walk forward as he topples towards me, tears streaming down his plump cheeks. I reach him and pick him up, rocking him like I did when he was a baby. He buries his head in my shoulder, "What's wrong?" I ask, which only causes another cascading waterfall of tears.

The playground has cleared by the time the tears dry. I carry James over to tiny little wooden bench propped up against the brick wall and prop him onto my knee. "What's going on, my brave little lion man?" I say and he looks up at me, bright blue eyes brimming with tears that threaten to spill over. "Everyone hates me." he says, his bottom lip trembling.  
>"Aww, buddy, no they don't!" I say, wrapping my arms around his shaking shoulders.<br>"Yes they do!" he cries out admantly "they're so mean to me, all the time." I pull my head back from James'  
>"Mean?"<br>"Yes"  
>"Well, what do they say?"<br>"They call me gay and then they push me over and hit me." he says, and I hear a soft gasp of shock escape from my lips.  
>"They call you <em>gay<em>?" I say and he nods.  
>"Do you know what that means?" I say as I look deep into his eyes. He shakes his head.<br>"It just means two boys or two girls that love it each other very much." I say and James' face becomes clouded with confusion. "Then why do they say it so meanly?" he says and, not wanting to explain the whole issue of homophobia to a five year old child, I simply say "I have no idea."

"Did you say they pushed you?" I ask  
>"Yes." James says, his voice still trembling from the fit of tears. He begins to roll up his dull, grey, school trousers to reveal a bleeding gash on his right knee. I pull James back into my chest, feeling tears begin to crawl up my own throat. It disgusts me that kids would be so mean, but it also saddens me, it feels like it is my fault, if James didn't have me and Dan as parents he wouldn't have blood dripping from his knee right now.<p>

"I'll sort it." I say, in my daddy-can-sort-anything voice, "but first, lets get you home." I say, lifting him into my arms and allowing him to nuzzle into my neck even though he is getting a little big for it now.

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><p>I fumble with the keys in the door before pushing the door open and yelling out, "I'm home!". I hear an echo of "I'll be right down!" coming from above. I am carrying James' school bag in one hand, my phone and keys in the other, leaving James clinging to my neck like some sort of little baby monkey. I am trying not to let my emotions take over for the sake of James but my eyes are starting to grow moist again. "Hop-la" I say as I lift James onto the table, placing my keys and phone with him and dumping the backpack onto the floor.<p>

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><p>I switch the light on in the kitchen before rummaging through the draws in an attempt to find a plaster. "Hey" says Dan, kissing me on the cheek. "What are you doing?"<br>"Trying to find a plaster." I say, trying to keep as collected as possible. Dan opens the cupboard just to the left of my head, revealing a first aid kit and a packet of plasters. He hands them to me and then pulls me in a for a hug. Tears spill out of my eyes as he strokes my hair. "What's wrong?" he says, his voice soothing and as smooth as silk.  
>"James is being bullied. Some kids are pushing him round and calling him gay." I say.<br>"What?!" Dan practically shouts "For fucks sake, what is wrong with some people?"  
>"Sssh.." I say "Keep your voice down."<br>"Where is he?" he asks and I point to the dining room. He takes the plasters in one hand and links his other with mine, pulling me into the room. "Hey little guy" Dan says, a smile on his face, "are you okay?" James nods weakly, the tear stains and puffy red eyes the only evidence of what happened. "Don't listen to them, you're far better than any of them." he says, as he puts the plaster on James' knee "and if they ever do it ever again, they'll have me to answer to" he says, standing straight up and looking vaguely into the distance like some kind of superhero. "Daaan.." I say, but James giggles. It appears to have cheered him up.

"Now what do you want to do, little man?" Dan says, picking James up and spinning him round before placing him back onto the wooden floor. James looks like he's thinking for a second before his eyes light up and he annouces "Film time" and I laugh, "Sure." I say, all my anxiety and sadness obliterated by his tiny little laugh. Dan gathers the duvets and pillows off of all of our beds and piles them on a big pile on the floor, along with the sofa cushions and some extra blankets. James picks out 'Toy story 2' (his favourite film of the moment) and we all snuggle under the blankets, James pressed between me and Dan. As the warmth of the duvet surrounds me, I watch Dan's half, quirky smile as the film plays on and I realise that no matter how bad the oppresors and homophobes get, we'll always have each other; and that's all we really need.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading and please review!<strong>_

_**p.s sorry for the ending, I couldn't think how else to end it.**_


	7. Chapter 7 (Age 6)

_**This chapter is based on a prompt from uhnonniemiss, and her idea is too cute to not write :) Thank you to Uhnonniemiss, DudeitsDessi, vogonsoup, witbeyondmeasureXOX and guest for reviewing, it means a lot to me that you like it! Also thank you for suppourting it, here we go;**_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter Seven (Age Six)<span>**

Dans POV

The alarm sounds beside me, piercing through my dream, shattering it to pieces. I groan, squinting my eyes so that I can see the time; seven o'clock. It's my turn to take James to school. I slowly try and sit up, so as not to make phil stir, but thankfully he is so fast asleep that not even a terradactyl raging the streets of London could wake him right now. You'd think I'd be used to getting up at this time; this is James' third year of school now, but the fact is old habits die hard and my brain is screaming with exhaustion.

I free myself from the maze of covers, standing up and stretching. I wave my hands in the air in the shape of a yawn, like I am some sort of caveman trying to catch a bird single handedly. I kiss Phil on the cheek softly before making my way to James' room, rubbing my eyes with the flat of my palms.

I open the door and switch the light on, the illumination burning my eyes like I am a vampire who has just been exposed to garlic. As I stumble round James' bedroom in the haze of early morning tiredness, I hear him awaken, his mumbling sounds of the morning accomponied by the odd sniffle of his nose. "I don't feel well" I hear him splutter, choking the end out with a sneeze. I sit down on his bed, my eyes now fully open. "Aww what's wrong?" I say, immediately pressing my hand against his forehead in full on parental mode. His skin is burning hot and feverishly clammy. I immediately start to panick. That's the problem with my mind, anything concerning James makes me overly anxious, I have an overwhelming fear of something happening to him. "I have a headache, and my tummy hurts" James says, looking up at me, his big blue eyes filled with self-pity and a slight edge of pain. I can't take it; my heart melts. I pull him into my chest, cradling him and kissing the top of his head. "Let me get Daddy" I whisper "He'll know what to do."

I feel an edge of guilt creeping up my throat as I rock Phil's shoulders, his black mop of hair stuck up at all ends as his eyes flutter open, his arms clutched against his chest as he returns from his dream world. "Wh-what" he says, his voice scratchy. "James is ill" I say, trying to conceal my anxiety, knowing full well that Phil finds it funny when I get over protective of James. "The medicine's in the top cupboard" he says before closing his eyes and pulling his knees closer to his body.  
>"But what if that doesn't work?" I say, my voice edging closer and closer to high pitch.<br>"Dan." Phil rolls over to look at me "It'll just be a cold, there's some calpol in the top cupboard."  
>"How much?" I say but Phil has already moved,<br>"Okay, I'm up." he says, "You are such a worrier, Dan" but he kisses me on the cheek anyway before sauntering out of the room.

"Okay, here we go." Phil says "This will make you feel much better."  
>"What is it?" James asks, his voice laced with both curiousity and a hint of fear.<br>"It's a magic potion" Phil says, "It fights away all the bad guys in your stomach"  
>"Will it hurt?"<br>"No, not at all. Now, open wide." he says, making the spoon zoom around like an airplane fit for landing. James opens his mouth wide and the airplane lands. James takes a big gulp and screws up his face, sticking his tongue out of his mouth in disgust "That is the horribelest thing I have ever tasted." he says and I laugh.

I tuck James back into bed and urge him to get to sleep. Phil sneakily took his DS from the side of his bed, so that he might get some sleep without obsessively playing pokemon. It's too late to go back to bed now and so, whilst Phil dissapears to ring up the school, I go down to the kitchen, intent on cooking some breakfast.

I open the fridge to see it almost bear, the shelves looking naked in the pale light. I have no idea where the majority of our food goes all the time, but we never ever seem to have any. I decide to get creative with the food we do have. I spy a few golden eggs to my right, and some final dregs in the bottom of the milk carton. My mind brightens; pancakes. I lean down to the bottom cupboard to check we have flour and sugar, and upon seeing them my smile gets brighter.

The batter is already halfway to being ready by the time Phil walks in, drowsidly running his hand through his hair. He stops dead. "Are you making pancakes?" he says and I smile. "Now I get why I married you!" he says in a tone of realisation.  
>"Yeah, marry for pancakes, it's far better than marrying for love." I say, abandoning the mixture and slipping my arms around his waist. "Maybe there is a little bit of love." he says, looking up into my eyes, "Or a lot a bit." he adds, before joining his lips to mine, moving his hands up into my hair. I deepen the kiss, pushing him against the opposite kitchen counter, my heart hammering in my chest. "Daddy?" I hear a small voice say from behind me and I spring apart from Phil, almost knocking my head on an open cupboard door. I feel Phil blush besides me. "You should be in bed, mister." I say, walking over and tapping him on the nose. "I know, I'm hungry" he says, glancing towards the kitchen counter, where Phil was now continuing to whisk the pancake batter. His eyes light up, "Are you making pancakes?" he says eagerly, the ending of the sentence complete with a sniff and I notice his eyes are watering. "Yes, buddy, go back to bed and I'll bring you some," I say, lifting him into my arms, "Now, how does that sound?"<br>"I don't want to go back there, I'm lonely" he splutters as I hear his tummy rumble.  
>"Wait here" I say, putting him down. He toddles over to Phil, dragging a chair up and climbing onto it so that he can see the mixture.<p>

I drag the heavy quilt off of James' bed and roll it up in my arms, tucking it under my arm and returning to the kitchen. As I enter the kitchen, I pick James up with the other arm, to his greatest delight, and set his bed up on the sofa, tucking him in all the way up to his little, elfin ears. I hear the pancake batter beginning to sizzle.

I rise to leave but James clings onto my arm, "don't leave me" he says.  
>"I'll just be right there." I say, pointing towards where Phil is.<br>"Will you read to me?" he says, his eyes watery and puffy. I can't resist.  
>"Sure." I say with a smile, "What do you wanna read?"<br>"Why don't you start Harry Potter?" I hear Phil shout from the kitchen "I think he's old enough for the first one."  
>"What's Harry Potter?" I hear James say in his small voice.<br>"Oh my, have you got a lot to look forward to." I say, a glint of glee in my voice.

I scramble around of the bookshelf for my copy of Harry potter and when I get back, Phil is sat in my spot, a stack of pancakes and three plates on the table in front of him. "Scoot" I say to him and he budges out of my place. I open the page as James tucks into to his pancake. After a while, we sink into the magic of the story, Phil reading the text and me doing the voices of the character, making James giggle with delight.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading and please review! Also, if you have any ideas or prompts or anything please tell me!<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8 (Age 7)

_**Yes I am sorry that it has been so long but my laptop broke last week sometime and so I haven't been able to write. Infact I am writing off of my iPod right now because the computer isn't going to be fixed until at least next week and I didn't want to wait any longer, so I'm sorry if this is short and badly edited but I really hate writing off of my iPod plus I will probably go through and edit it better when the computer gets fixed. Thanks to witbeyondmeasurexox, vogonsoup and uhnonniemiss for reviewing. And thanks to smoshfan1231994 for pointing out my mistake- I owe you one. Anyway here goes;**_

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><p><span><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

I shift in my seat as the lights begin to dim around me, Dan's hand clutched firmly in mine as the soft chattering falls to silence. The play begins.

My palms are sweating and my heart is racing. Even the usual disapproving stares can't distract me from my overwhelming anxiety. It is the first time James has ever starred in a play, in any role, never mind as the lead role. Dan gives my hand a re-assuring squeeze as James walks out onto the stage, his knees trembling just a little. I feel the strings of my heart pull as I see the edge of fear well in his eyes, it's all I can do not to run on stage and wrap him up in a giant hug.

But, the fear melts away as soon as he opens his mouth, words flowing out, so well delivered that even I, for a second, forget that it is my own son and truly believe it is the angry tyrant he is portraying. I blame Dan for this, this acting ability. He was all into acting when he was younger and I suppose James just picked it up off him somehow.

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><p>Soon enough, the play is in full swing and I ease up, my muscles unclenching and my jaw loosening slightly. I catch Dan's eye and he smiles at me, his deep brown irises beaming with pride.<p>

I can't help but notice that James' costar also seems to have a certain talent, the two of them shine out like a torch from the rest of the group. Her face looks familiar to me and I search through the rubble of my mind, trying to pick out her name. And then it comes to me, her name is Lia. I remember James talking about her, saying that she had come over to him when everyone else was bullying him and made him feel okay. I also remember seeing her parents, pretty much the only people who could bear to speak to us, a communication mostly in sighs and eyerolls.

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><p>All too soon the play is over, and applause fills the room, bouncing off the walls and into the eardrums of the students who proudly take their bows. James' face is filled with pride and happiness as he soaks up the applause. Beside me I hear Dan whooing, his hands cupped around his mouth to make it ever louder, oblivious to the stares. I clap along to the music as the children take their final bows and make their way down the aisle and out of the doors at the back.<p>

As James passes our seats he looks and smiles, a gappy smile with two black holes where his front teeth used to be.

I make my way round to the pick-up point, hand in hand with Dan. I catch a glimpse of James through the darkening night and before I can even shout a word of congratulations; he is running. He sprints towards us, arms outstretched and practically jumps into Dan's arms. "You were so good little monster!" I shout, ruffling his hair, a smile lighting up my face. "You really think so?!" He beams and Dan says "It was only the best performance since Leo in Titanic" and even though all meaning is lost upon little James, it doesn't stop him from grinning.

Dan places James down and slips his hand into James' little fingers, James using his other hand to join us up in a line. We walk along, using our arms to occasionally lift James up, letting him swing before his feet hit the concrete once more.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for reading and please review. Also if you are interested Lia is a character from my friend uhnonniemiss's freaking adorable fanfics "my love" and "buttercup" and I hope shes okay with this since I didn't exactly ask her but whatever.<strong>_


	9. Chapter 9 (Age 8)

_**I finally got my laptop back yay! Thanks to uhnonniemiss, vogonsoup and witbeyondmeasurexox for reviewing, you're all so nice.**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>_

_**Dans POV**_

"So we're doing this?" I hear Phil ask, a warm mug of tea clutched in his hands as he looks at me, his eyes dark and serious.  
>"Yes, I mean, she doesn't want the baby and she seems set against abortion. Plus, then we'd be becoming more and more like a traditional little family." I say, hearing my own voice light up. "Like a traditional little family with two dads, Dan." Phil reminds me, the familiar little chuckle returning to his voice.<br>"Potato, Potarto." I drawl, smiling wide as I grab Phil's spare hand, stroking my thumb along his finger.  
>"So, now we just have to tell James." Phil said, his eyes meeting mine.<p>

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><p>I hear the familiar sound of knocking on the door, the three sharp bangs that symbolise James' return. I look over to the wooden clock, the hands ticking round, 3:30; right on time. I smile to myself, the idea of a structure, of a routine, of a little family life warms my heart. "Hey Buddy." I say as James walks through the door, bright eyed and bushy tailed, his backpack peeking out over his shoulder. Ah, the days before algebra and simultaneous equations where school could actually bring a smile to ones face. "How was school?" I say, closing the lid of my laptop and smiling. James launches into the story of his day and I listen as he shrugs the bag off of his shoulder and onto the floor. I watch it hit the tiles and think about how much Phil hates it when James doesn't hang his bag up properly, but I don't have the heart to tell him.<p>

"Do you want a snack?" I ask as James climbs onto one of the wooden chairs perched around the table and he nods, his big eyes glistening. Sometimes I worry that he is growing up too fast, letting him walk home from school was a big step for me; it took Phil weeks to convince me that he wouldn't get mugged, even if the school is just round the corner. Sometimes I get so lost in my own little worrying world that I forget that James is a person too, and that he needs chances to be free, to screw up along the way.

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><p>I return from the kitchen, a carton of orange juice in one hand and a cookie in the other. I see him smile when he sees the cookie, another thing Phil doesn't exactly advise. I put a finger to my lips as I set it down on the table and he nods silently.<p>

"Where's Daddy?" James says, his mouth full of crumbs.  
>"He's at the shop, sweetie, he'll be back any minute." James takes this as a hint, eating his cookie just that little bit faster. "And, buddy, when daddy returns, we have something very important to tell you."<br>"What is it?" he says, staring up at me as he washes the last of his cookie down with some orange juice.  
>"I can't say just yet." I say and James looks slightly worried.<p>

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><p>It is at that moment, that I hear the familiar jangling of keys in the door as Phil finally turns the lock, pushing the door open with his shoulder seen as his hands are laden with bags. James jumps up and runs to hug him, hitting him in the stomach with his head. "Hey, buddy, how are you?"<br>"Great!" he says "What did you buy?" he says, peering into the bags, inquistively. I capture him from behind, whisking him up.  
>"Now, who's being a little nosy man?" I say as he laughs and clings onto my shoulder. I lean down and kiss Phil, sweetly once on the lips as James squirms to be free in my arms.<p>

I let him go and he grabs one of the bags out of Phil's fingertips, laying it out onto the table, all thought about our conversation forgotten. I join my hand up with Phil's. "Is it time?" I say and he gives me a look that answers yes. "James, sweetie." he says, ruffling his blonde curly hair with his spare hand, "me and daddy have something to talk to you about in the living room." James looks up, his eyes wide. "Am I in trouble?" he asks, the smile falling from his face like a ball off the edge of the cliff. "No, no sweetie" I answer. "This is a good thing, you'll see." James follows me and Phil into the living room.

_**Phils POV**_

Dan's hand is warm in mine as we sit on the sofa, James perched in between us. He squeezes my hand, passing me confidence through this bond that we share. "You're going to have a new little brother." I blurt out, unable to hold it in any more, a half nervous-half excited smile breaking its way onto my lips. James gasps, his eyes moving down to my stomach as they widen. "Are you, are you, pregnant?" he asks, his voice rising an octave at the end of the sentence. Me and Dan burst out laughing, Dan breaking our hands to cover up his face, but James still looks confused. I quell the laughter crawling up my throat and turn to James, my voice still with the edge of a giggle. "Aww, no sweetie, men don't get pregnant. We're going to adopt him like we did with you, remember?" James expression cleared as understanding struck. We had always been honest with James, we didn't want any awkward conversations when he reached his angsty teenage years. "So, I get a little brother?" James asks and Dan nods, hoisting him up onto his knee as he moves closer, wrapping his arms around my shoulder. "What's his name?"  
>"Well we don't know yet, we were hoping you would help us decide."<br>"For real?"  
>"For real." Dan laughed in response.<br>"So when does he get here?" James asked  
>"It isn't for a fair few months yet." I say "He's still in his mummy's tummy."<br>"Do we know his mummy?"  
>"A friend of a friend." Dan said<br>"A friend of a friend." James repeated.  
>"That's right." I said, unable to wipe the smile off of my face.<p>

_**A few months later**_

_**Phils POV**_

James' hand clutches mine as we round the corner on the well scrubbed corridor. I can tell he is nervous, he didn't speak once on the car journey over, but also a little excited to see the baby he's been waiting for. As I turn the next corner, my eyes fall upon Dan, a tiny little bundle pressed in his arms, against his chest. James draws in closer to my chest, shying away behind my knees. Dan doesn't see us at first but soon enough, his head tilts upwards and he smiles. "Hey Buddy." he says, as James climbs onto the chair, wrapping his arm around him and letting him peer into the bundle of blankets. I sit down on the other side. "This is your little brother." I say, my voice barely above a whisper.  
>"He's so tiny!" he says, his voice filled with wonderment. I laugh<br>"Yes he is. But we were all that tiny once." I say.  
>"Not me" says James "I was never that small."<br>"Oh yeah?" says Dan, dragging his eyes away from the baby, a challenge glowing in his eyes. "I have pictures to prove it." he boasted and we all laugh, just one normal family in the corner of the hospital ward.

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><p><em><strong>So what do you think? Good twist? bad twist? Oh and if you have any ideas for baby names just leave them in the reviews and I shall pick the best one! Thank you for reading!<strong>_


	10. Chapter 10 (Age 9)

_**Thank you so much to uhnonniemiss, witbeyondmeasurexox, vogonsoup and MisreadSoul, for your suggestions and comments; they really brighten up my day so thankyou for that. Special thanks to uhnonniemiss for helping me with the idea for this and witbeyondmeasurexox, whose name I have chosen (Samuel)!**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Ten<strong>_

_**Dans POV**_

The phone rings in one room as the baby cries in another. I sigh dramatically. It seems like years since I got a decent nights sleep. I slowly push myself from my chair as I hear Phil shout "I got him!" from the other room. I pick up the phone, a pain splitting open my head. "Mr Lester?" came the uptight voice from the other end of the phone. I smile a little, it never fails to warm me from the inside, knowing that I am Phil's for all eternity. "Yeah?" I say.  
>"We need you to come in." my brain shook itself awake.<br>"Wait, who is this?"  
>"Hollow Bank Primary School, you are James' father, aren't you?"<br>"Yes, yes what's wrong?" I say all kinds of bizarre and horrible situations running through my mind.  
>"The headmaster wants to talk to you about James behaviour."<br>"What?" I say, a little shocked. "Right now?"  
>"As soon as possible, is that a problem?"<br>"Err no" I say as I hear Sammy start to wail in the other room.  
>"Do you need both of us?" I ask.<br>"Yes, I'm afraid so."  
>"Okay, I'll see you soon."<br>"Goodbye"

I put down the phone and walk, somewhat in a daze, into the living room. Phil is pacing back and forth. Sammy is clutched to his chest and a bottle dangles from his right hand. He looks flustered and the rings around his eyes resemble that of a giant panda. My heart strings tug a little, seeming him so worked up and I take Sammy from him, kissing him gently on his head. His big blue eyes fill with gratitude as he collapses back onto the sofa. I rock Sammy slowly and soon enough he stops crying long enough for him to take the bottle, his deep brown eyes staring up at me as a little black curl escapes from the top of his head. "So who was that on the phone?" Phil asks, running a hand through his deep black fringe which was starting to be dappled with little grey hairs.  
>"School." I say, sitting down as Sammy begins to nuzzle into my chest and fall asleep. Phil sits up slightly.<br>"What did they want?" he asks  
>"They want us to go in and discuss James' behaviour."<br>"What? What did he do?"  
>"I don't know but we need to go now."<br>"We can't go now, we have no one to take care of Sammy."  
>"We'll just have to take him with us." Phil grimaced, a look of anxiety running over his face. He appeared to be running through all the things that could go wrong in his head.<p>

We are standing by the door all packed up and ready to go, Sammy fast asleep in his little pram, his sweet little face leaning on his hand. And I remember when James was there, fast asleep in the exact same pram, his little hands and feet just as small. It strikes me like a lightning bolt, how fast time goes. Was that really nine years ago? Does time really go that fast? I start to feel a little shaky, and Phil seems to sense this as he joins his lips to mine, squeezing me reassuringly on the shoulder before breaking away.

We set off down the street, the wheels of the pram squeaking slightly as we go along. Every so often, I catch someone staring, their eyes wide and sometimes dissaproving before they quickly turn away. We don't get quite as many stares as we used to, but somehow people can't quite shake the 'classic' family from their mind.

_**Phils POV**_

My hand shakes slightly as I open the door into reception, I have no idea why, it's not like it's me whose in trouble. Immedietly the overpowering smell of flowers hit my nose and I reel slightly, the brightness and the sweet smell a little too much. I catch the receptionist staring at me and I try to throw her a smile; but it may already be too late. "Mr Lester." I say leaning on the desk as Dan tries to restle the pram through the door, "We're here to see the headmaster about our son, James?"  
>"Ah yes" her eyes drift to the pram. "No prams in school, I'm afraid." Dan shoots her a look that seems to scream 'are you serious?'<br>"What do you want me to do with it?" he says, his voice just a little too sharp.  
>"You can leave it here if you want." she says, her voice a little condescending.<br>"Yes, and what about the baby?"  
>"Can't you carry him?"<br>"He's asleep."  
>"I am sorry, there's nothing I can do about that." she says, an edge of disgust leaking into her voice. I walk over to Dan, stroking his arm in an attempt to calm him down.<br>"Look, you go ahead" I say, egging Dan on with my eyes, "I'll catch you up in a minute."  
>Dan mutters something under his breath before following the clip-clappety sounds of the receptionists heels out of the room.<p>

_**Dans POV**_

I feel like I'm back at school again, sat outside the headmasters office, nervously tapping my feet against the carpet. Out of pure instinct, I jump and sit up straight when I hear the door bang open. In walks a teary-eyed and slightly shaky James. "I'm sorry," he said "I really didn't mean to do it." My heart wept a little itself, I cannot stand to see him like this. I pull him onto my lap,  
>"It's okay sweetie, daddy's not mad, I'm sure whatever it is we can sort it out." James nodded and sniffeled slightly before linking his hand with my own. We wait there some longer.<br>"Where's dad?" he says.  
>"He's just sorting Sammy out, he'll be here any minute." I say, ruffling his hair. Right on cue, the door opens again and in walks Phil, a bag strapped across one shoulder and Sammy held in the other. "Here give me that." I say, shifting James off my lap slightly as I reach for the bag, laying it down at my feet. Sammy is awake now and Phil wedges his way onto the small sofa, pressed right up against James.<p>

Phil bounces Sammy up and down on his knee and he begins to laugh, a big toothy tinkle of a laughter that even helps James to crack a smile. James taps Sam on the nose, "are you laughing? are you a little laughy man?" and even though we are here because James is in trouble, and even though we are sat in the most depressing corridor I have ever seen and even though we are both so tired, I smile, because this is my family and it may be a little odd and dysfunctional but what family isn't? And just seeing the little wide smiles play across everyone's faces is all I need to make me happy, that is until the door creaks open and "Mr and Mr Lester?" is called out in a voice that is deep and gruff.

He doesn't look like the kind of man who enjoys smiles, so I tuck mine away and take James' hand, squeezing it as we walk in. I don''t care what he's done, I will stand by my son no matter what.

I take a seat in the hard leather chair, seeing Phil do the same to my right. The headmaster (who has a name every bit as boring as the rest of him) sits down and rests his hand down on the desk top. "Do you know why you're here?" says the teacher, in a stern voice. James nods. "And why is that?"  
>"Because I was fighting." James says and I raise my eyebrow slightly. The headmaster turned to look at Phil and then at me, his eyes darting as if he were watching some sort of tennis match. I think he expected us to say something. Sammy only gargled. "I do not tolerate fighting in my school. Now, you will have to come back after school tommorow for detention in the hall. Is that fair?"<br>"Whoah, whoah hold up a minute" I say, not thinking before the words escape my lips, earning a surprised stare from Phil. "You didn't even hear why he was fighting."  
>"There is no excuse for violence, Mr Lester." I ignore him.<br>"Why were you fighting, James?"  
>"The other kid was calling me names."<br>"See! There you go!"  
>"Mr Lester, I do not appreciate your tone, plus you have no proof of that."<br>"Look," I say raising my hand in a gesture "I am not saying that what James did wasn't wrong and I will discuss this with him when we get home, what I am saying is that maybe the other kid should at least get spoken to, you know?" Phil coughs.  
>"What he <em>means <em>is that this isn't all James fault, we've dealt with bullying before and it never seems to be dealed with harshly enough in this school."  
>"Are you saying I don't know how to discipline my students?" James sinks further into his chair as Phil's eyes widen slightly. He says<br>"No, no not at all!" Just as Sammy starts to cry, and not the kind of cry that can be tamed, the sort of cry that a lion would make as it ate someone whole.  
>"Umm excuse me," Phil says, shooting me a warning glance as his face sinks into relief.<br>"Who was the boy who was bullying you, James?" The headmaster says, his voice verging on annoyed.  
>"Michael" James stutters.<br>"Okay, well we will talk to michael tommorow. Okay?" he says, shooting a pointed glance at me.  
>"Yes, that would be good."<br>"Thank you for your time." he says and I shake his hand before leaving.

I exit the room, shutting the door with a satisfying thud behind me. I lace my fingers with Phil's, quickly kissing him on the lips.  
>"You've got to be more calm!"he says, laughing slightly as he puts sammy back into the pram.<br>"He was accusing our son!" I say, but I am not really mad at Phil, I know what he means, James is certainly a pressure point for me.  
>"Are you taking him home?" says sharp voice from behind us.<br>"Who? James?" I hear Phil say  
>"Noo Harry Potter." I say and he hits me lightly on the arm.<br>"Err yeah." he replies to the dragon woman.  
>"It's not the end of school yet." I put a solemn face on<br>"Yes, but it has been a tough day you know, he's been through such an emotional ordeal and it's really hard for him. I don't think he could manage a few more hours."  
>"Oh okay then, go on." said the woman in pink, her face softening "Just this once" and we leave the school, James walking backwards as he looks up at us and smiles, "you really are the best parents, you know that?"<br>"We know" I reply as I turn to look at Phil, smiling.

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><p><em><strong>Okay sorry that took a while but it is slightly longer (is this a good thing? bad thing? do you prefer that?) plus I have major exams in 4 weeks sooo... Thank you for reading and if you have any further ideas (I am beginning to run out) or suggestions or comments please review (Or you can review even if you don't!"<strong>_


	11. Chapter 11 (Age 10)

_**Thank you to uhnonniemiss and witbeyondmeasurexox for your reviews and continued support. And yes this chapter is short because I haven't done that in ages and that was sort of the original idea and also because I have a lot of revision to do and I am dying of illness as I write this, hope you appreciate it, enjoy:**_

_**C**__**hapter 11**_

_**Dans POV**_

The wind shakes the tent and the hesistant sound of stretching guideropes can be heard through the pounding of the rain. The cool chill seeps through the thin fabric of the tent causing me to shiver. I pull my knees closer to my chest. Across the way from me, I see James. He too is shivering and a somewhat scared expression is written across his face. "Dad?" he says when he sees me looking,  
>"Yes" I say, seeing my own breath rise in smoke as I speak.<br>"Is the tent going to fall down?"  
>"Nope it shouldn't do but you know, knowing your dads knowledge of basic mechanics I wouldn't be surprised."<br>"Hey!" said Phil, pushing his arm slightly. "You could have helped!"  
>"I was busy with the very important task of acquiring ice cream for my sons!" Phil rolled his eyes.<p>

Eventually, I give into the harsh cold and climb into my sleeping bag- even if it is only 2 O'clock. That's british weather for you- you can always depend on it to be cold and damp- even in the height of august.  
>"I'm bored." comes the call from James' side of the tent. "I knew I should have stayed at home." My heart sinks, he is growing up so fast, at some point he's just not going to want to be around us all together. Phil sees my face fall and jumps in.<br>"Well we can't have that can we? Little man bored on holiday." James sighs at the mention of "little man" but looks up, expectantly, his head peeking out from the top of his sleeping bag. It is at that moment that Sammy decides to wake up and crawl from underneath the layers we wrapped him in. I search through my brain for something to do and it strikes me all of a sudden.  
>"Now, did I ever tell you the story of how I got fired when I was a teenager?" James shook his head and I motioned for him to come closer. We all huddle in, James leaning into my arm as Sammy curls up on Phil's knee. Phil puts his arm around my waist and the story begins...<p>

_**Thank you for reading and please review as it makes me happy! Also, if you have any improvements, one shot suggestions or ideas don't be afraid to tell me! Thank you :)**_


	12. Chapter 12 (Age 11)

_**Yes yes I am sorry this is late etc but I have exams in under two weeks and really I should be revising right now and I have just spent the last two weeks staring down at my chemistry and screaming 'why don't I understand' so yeah. Thank you to uhnonniemiss, Misreadsoul, witbeyondmeasurexox and vogonsoup for reviewing, hope you enjoy;**_

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><p><span><strong>Phil's POV<strong>

He stands there so proudly in his new uniform, the sleeves just slightly too big and the tie aggressively long. A nervous smile casts across his face as he reaches anxiously for his regulation black backpack. It is his first day of high school. "You look so grown up," I say before glancing over at Dan who is staring down at the floor as if he's never seen it before in his life. I add, "doesn't he Dan?" trying to engage him in conversation whilst keeping an eye on Sammy, spooning cheerios into his mouth. But Dan only grunts, continuing to look down at the ever so interesting tiled floor. This a hard day for him.

**Dan's POV**

I wring my hands together, my heart feeling heavy, how did he manage to grow up quite so fast? Tears well slightly in my eyes just at the sight of him in a tie and blazer, it makes him seem so much older somehow. It feels like the world is crashing around me. I have always been one to feel things deeply, for a while when I was younger I spent endless days pondering the meaning to life and the universe. And sometimes that stuff still bothers me but not as often, because although I may not be fit for some upper purpose I am surrounded by my family, and knowing that they are happy brings a smile to my lips. For eleven years now it has been all I have focused on, what my life has been built around and now I feel like those bricks are tumbling around me leaving me with nothing but a pile of rubble.

Seeing the flash of the black blazer brings memories of my own school flying back and hitting me like a ten ton shotgun. I don't want James to go there. I don't want him to suffer as I suffered, to grow up and face the harsh reality of life like a mouse who comes out of hibernation too early to be faced with the freezing cold winter. I don't want to see the smile drop from his face as the days drag on, his innocence tainted and his morals tested.

My head is starting to hurt and I can feel tears pricking in my eyes. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I send my kid off to school like a normal parent without questioning life and the universe and relishing in past pain?

I look up to see Phil's blue eyes are hardened with concern as he glances at me, taking his eyes off of Sammy just long enough for him to throw his silver spoon halfway across the narrow dining hall. As Phil leans down to get it, I notice the wisps of silver growing from his head, hijacking the raven colour he dyes it. I am struck all over again, my son is going to high school, Phil is nearly forty, Sammy goes to school next year.

Through the thickness of my crisis, I hear a voice. "Dad?" it says, rising an octave at the end. Dad. The word sinks in. When did he stop calling me daddy? Had he already slipped through my fingers and I had failed to notice? I raise my head, dulling the pain in my eyes. "Yes" I say, forcing the corners of my mouth to upturn.  
>"I'm going now."<br>"Have you got your bus pass? Pencils? Lunch money?" I nervously list, feeling my palms sweat once more.  
>"Yes, yes, yes." James droans, his voice bored with an edge of nerves.<br>"What about your planner? a pen..." Phil cuts me off before I can say anymore, he seems to sense I am just listing things to try and prolong the moment.  
>"Have a great day." he says, pulling James in for a hug with one arm and me with the other.<p>

And like that he is gone, like water through my fingers. I stare at the closed door and sigh, collapsing into the chair that stands behind me. "Sshh shh now it's okay." says Phil as he wraps his strong and secure arms around my chest from behind, circling me in the warmth I so desperately crave. I look up at him, my eyes watering slightly, his face a blur of black and blue. He leans down, kissing my lips and immediately I respond, the familiarity of his kiss filling the hole that James had left in my heart. "I love you." I say my voice barely above a whisper and he replies "I love you too."

Placing one last gentle kiss on my lips, he rises and turns to walk away. "Don't leave me." I say, sounding like a child on their first day of playgroup.  
>"I have to sort Sammy out." he replies and I tilt my head slightly to look at our three-year-old baby, squirming desperately to get free from the cage of the highchair which binds him. "I'll be right back." he says.<br>"No wait, let me help." and Phil smiles, it's been ages since we did stuff like that together.

**Phil's POV**

I walk back from the kitchen to find Dan cross-legged on the living-room floor, a smile as wide as a child as he searches for brightly coloured bricks to help Sam to build a tower. I linger in the doorway and just watch them for a while, the tinkling of laughter filling any doubt that this is not the life I want to lead. I sit down the join them, clasping Dan's hand in my own. I hear the scratching sounds of keys in the lock and wait for Dan's face to fall, for happy light he is radiating to dim just slightly. But his smile doesn't abandon him, if anything it glows brighter as James walks in, laughing at us, circled round a pile of bricks as if it were our only source of heat, a tanglement of limbs sprawled across the floor. With a slight head cock like a small Chihuahua, he kneels down, picking up a purple brick and joining in.

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><p><em><strong>What do you think? Thank you for reading and please review since I technically should be doing my biology past paper which is due in tomorrow right now...<strong>_


	13. Chapter 13 (Age 12)

_**This may be the last chapter for a while because I have 19 exams starting on Monday that will last two months and will be up to my eyeballs in revision *sigh* anyway sorry this is late but revision and all plus as you can see it is kinda long. Thank you to uhnonniemiss, witbeyondmeasurexox, buntymcbean and misreadsoul for reviewing! enjoy;**_

_**Dan's POV**_

I look across the table to see James quickly spooning cheerio's into his mouth, one eye forever watching the clock. I am worried about him. To be honest, I am constantly in a state of worrying about him and I should probably stop before it pushes him away, but I can't help it. He's been at high school three months now and I haven't seen one friend. He's been out with his friends but never once has one of them come here.

My worried mind runs on as I glance across the table, just in time to see James spoon the last heaping spoonful of golden fibre into his mouth. As the silver spoon hits the table once more, he nervously leaps from his chair, springing up and heading towards the door.

"James?" I say and he turns around, a certain jittery energy about him as he moves from one foot to the other.  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Why don't you invite one of your friends around here tonight?" His face looks puzzled as he appears to be working out an excuse before he glances up at the ever-ticking clock. His face seems to register the time, weighing up decisions against decisions before he finally sighs and with a half smile says, "Sure".

_**Phil's POV**_

The door shuts firmly behind James and I turn to Dan,  
>"Dan," I say "You do realise you're not actually here tonight don't you?"<br>"Ah sh-" Dan says before catching him self, "bother", I forgot about that, what time does the radio meeting start?"  
>"Three" I say, smiling, "what would you do without me?"<br>"Cry in a corner" Dan says as he walks over to me, kissing me on the lips before sitting next to me.  
>"I'm worried about him."<br>"Oh here we go." I say with a smirk, "He's fine Dan!"  
>"He's been at that school three months and I haven't seen one friend!"<br>"He's probably just shy, he was at that friends house last week."  
>"Umm, I guess you're right" he says, but his brow is still furrowed, his eyes still filled with a swimming worry.<br>"Are we going to go through this all over again next year when Sammy goes to school?"  
>Dan looks up, laughing "Don't try to change me!" he says, hitting my arm playfully. I laugh too, echoing his own<br>"Okay, okay." I say "Shouldn't you be working on this meeting thing now?"  
>"I think I'm going to go watch cartoons with Sam." he says, seemingly oblivious to having heard me.<br>"What about the meeting?" I say, half-laughing.  
>"I'll do it later." he says and I laugh. He worries too much, and as cute as his brow is when it's crinkled and concerned, it probably is a thing that he needs to gain control of, the children aren't going to be our babies forever.<p>

I hear the scraping of keys in the door and I look up at the clock; 4 o'clock. I dry my hands on a rugged kitchen towel that lies abandoned on the counter and exit the kitchen, smiling as James walks through the door. From the living room, I hear a distant peep of 'James! James is home' and the pitter patter of tiny feet as Sammy comes bowling in, his socks slipping and sliding on the lino floor. A slight pink colour taints James' cheeks as he ruffles Sammy's hair, simultaneously saying "Hey buddy".  
>"James! James!" Sammy cries excitedly.<br>"Yes" James says, his voice not as friendly as usual with his friend hovering just behind him.  
>"Do you want to play Mario kart with me?"<br>"Sam, Finn is here." James says rather pointedly.  
>"He can play too?" says Sammy, his voice laced with confusion.<br>"Sam, you leave the boys to play by themselves for tonight, okay bud?" I say "Me and you can play Mario if you want." I say. Sam looks disappointed and turns to look at the floor before scurrying on back to the living room.  
>"Hi." I say, absent mindedly turning back to face Finn, "I'm James' dad."<br>"Nice to meet you." says the boy with a nervous nod in my direction. His hair is brown and floppy in a messy way and his skin shines golden, almost whispering memories of golden sands and blue oceans. His eyes shine a deep brown, such a startling contrast to the ever blueness of James'. His feet are hidden by black plimsolls and a football badge hangs from the edge of his blazer.  
>"You too, It's nice to meet a friend of James'" I say, kicking myself once I see the blood rise to James' cheeks. "Anyway," I say, pushing through the slight awkwardness, "I guess I have to go play Mario with Sammy."<p>

I stroll through to the living room as I hear the boys charge up the stairs. Sammy is strewn across our red patched sofa, controller clutched in his hand and a face that looks very sorry for itself indeed. "Hey buddy." I say cheerily "Do you wanna play Mario then?" He looks up at me,  
>"I want to play with James. You don't know how to play." comes the moan and I scoff<br>"Sam." I say "I have spent more than enough time playing this game. Believe me, I know how to play."  
>"What?" he says, his brow furrowing "Adults don't play games."<br>"That." I say with a pointed finger, a small grin leaking across my face, "Is where you are wrong. Normal adults don't play games but if you know me at all, you will realise that I am anything but normal." Sam laughs and I grab a controller off the side, press play and begin.

The game is only cut off by the sound of the timer going, the delicious smell of lasagne wafting through the house and halting my winning streak. I may have gotten a bit too into it. Maybe I crossed the line when I accidentally elbowed Sam in the face trying to round a particularly bendy corner, but oh well it's all in good spirits. "James! Finn!" I call up, "dinner's ready!" and it reminds me of when Dan and I first met and he would stay round at mine, sleep over for a few days and then return back home. The idea brings a smile to my face, I hope both of my sons will find happiness like that some day. James comes bounding down the stairs and takes his regular place next to Sam, leaving Finn with the usually vacant seat at the end. I serve the food and sit down as the smoke curls above my head.  
>"So what were you doing then?" I say, trying to make polite conversation. Thank fully this leads James on to talking, Finn adding certain bits in leaving very little room for awkward pauses.<p>

The room had just fallen to silence when the sound of scraping echo's from the front door; Dan is home.  
>"Hey." I shout<br>"Hey," he replies and smiles as he comes through the door, kissing me on top of the head and then moving to ruffle Sammy's hair. I can see the bags under his eyes and by his slow movement, I can tell he is tired. But his face lights up when he sees Finn  
>"Ah, I thought I would miss you!" he said "You're James' friend right? Nice to meet you, I'm-" but before he could finish off the sentence James interrupts,<br>"This is my Uncle, my Uncle John." I puzzled look falls upon Dan's face as he subconsciously takes a slight step backwards.  
>"No he's not!" shouts Sammy indignantly, "He's our daddy."<p>

This time it was Finn's turn to look confused.  
>"Wait, what?" he says as he turns to look at James. "You have two dads? How is that even possible." James hangs his head in shame as he begins to twiddle his thumbs underneath the table. Dan's face mirrors my own, a picture of hurt with just a pinch of sadness.<br>"You didn't tell him, James?" But James doesn't answer.  
>"No." Finn says, filling in the blanks "He told me he had a mother, he never mentioned anything about you being a fag." My eyes drop to the floor in shock, the room so silent as my eyes trace to patterned lino. Nobody quite knows what to say, even Sammy appears to be sensing the tension.<br>"What did you say?" I hear Dan's voice break through the silence. His voice is shaky and angry and as I glance up I see his fists are clenched into a ball of knuckle and fingers.  
>"Dan." I warn. Finn looks sheepish,<br>"Sorry I shouldn't have said that" he mumbles quicky "it just sort of slipped out."  
>"I'm gonna go." Dan says and he leaves, clearly trying to avoid doing something he might regret.<br>"Umm I think you should go too." I say to Finn, not wanting to display the hurt that covers every inch of my face like some sort of survival instinct not to show your weakness. My mind keeps flashing through images of Dan's face, sunken in pain and even all these years later and even though we are both adults, it still pains me, physically pains me, to see him so broken.  
>"Dad!"<br>"James, what I say is final and I am sorry but I think you should leave." I say as I push my chair back, scuttling from the room and up to my bedroom.

I see Dan, head in his hands, his back hunched over as he sits perched on the far side of our bed. My heart breaks a little. I move to be closer to him, sitting beside him. I wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on top of his head. Immediately, he responds, joining his lips to my own as he tangles his hands in my hair, all the hurt pouring out and away into the kiss. His lips move alongside mine until I break off, allowing his head to fall into my shoulder as he sobs.  
>"My kissing is that bad, huh?" I say, trying to crack the atmosphere with a joke and I feel Dan's body shake slightly. The sounds of his broken sobs make tears crawl up my own throat but I push them down, someone needs to be the strong rock here and it sure isn't Dan.<br>"He's ashamed of us." Dan says as he sits up, the tears drying.  
>"I know."<br>"He lied about us."  
>"I know."<br>"He thinks we're wrong and weird."  
>"Now that, I don't think is true at all. I don't think he thinks that, I think he was afraid of other's thinking that."<br>"But what if he does think that?" I glance up, joining my eyes with the broken remains of Dan's.  
>"Then I don't know." I say.<p>

I hear the tiny drumming of feet like raindrops on the roof as Sammy comes running up, jumping up onto the bed and throwing himself at Dan in a big hug.  
>"What's wrong daddy?" he says, seeing the tear stains ringed around his eyes.<br>"Nothing, buddy, daddy's just a little sad right now." he says, pulling Sammy onto his knee and towards his chest.  
>"But I don't like seeing you sad." says Sam as he sticks his right thumb into his mouth. A tinkle of laughter escapes from Dan's lips as the ghost of a smile cracks its way onto his lips.<br>"Don't worry buddy." he whispers, rocking him slightly. "You and daddy are helping." He turns to smile at me and I put my arm around him once more.

_**Dan POV**_

There is a slight knock at the door. I turn my head and over the top of Phil's head I see James stood at the door, his face pained and apologetic.  
>"Hi." I say, the pain still fresh in my mind. Phil sits up.<br>"You hate me don't you?" James says, looking very close to tears himself.  
>"Hate you? Oh honey, I could never hate you."<br>"But you do."  
>"No I don't. I am disappointed in you and I am hurt but I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you even if you deliberately caused the second plague of Egypt."<br>"I'm sorry." he says, turning to look at Phil and then me.  
>"That's okay," says Phil. He pats the space in between me and him on the bed and James crawls over, lying his head into Phil's chest.<br>"I'm really sorry. It's just you know how it is, gay's a word to laugh at, not a thing to be."  
>"Do you feel the same?" I interject and James looks surprised<br>"No, no of course not. I think it's all a bit stupid I mean why should it even matter at all?"  
>"Look at that." says Phil wistfully, "a 12 year old has a better grasp on it than most of society."<br>"I guess I just wanted to fit in." continues James "just for once not be the centre of bullying." Phil wraps his arms around James,  
>"It's been tough on you, I know. And I am sorry, that is mostly our fault."<br>"You don't have to apologise." says James "You're the best parents I could ever have and I love you and people will always find a flaw and you have to just not let them tear you down." I am kind of blown away and surprised by this outburst of emotion on James' part but I don't say any words, instead I put my arm around Phil bringing us full circle in our family hug, grateful that although we may be outcast from society we are not outcaste from each other.

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><p><em><strong>I am sorry I am so bad at ending fics but I hope you like it and if you did please review, it makes me feel happy :)<strong>_


	14. Chapter 14 (Age 13)

_**Yes I am sorry it's been ages- but I did warn you and *insert generic speech about exams*. Anyway here you go- I guess this was sorta kinda based on a comment that Vogonsoup left ages ago. Thank you to uhnonniemiss, witbeyondmeasureXOX and vogonsoup for reviewing! Here you go; I hope you enjoy!**_

_**Dan's POV**_

The seat wobbles as Sammy kicks his little black shoes back and forth. Outside the world flies past in a collage of evergreen fields and dull towns.  
>"Are we there yet?" Sammy asks for the millionth time and Phil shoots me a sympathetic glance from across the way before leaning his head back against the window, screwing his eyes up tight as his hands lie just underneath his silky black hair. The raindrops that scatter the window above him catch the light and throw colours across his aging face. I turn to stare out of the window at the world flying past. I guess the world always flies past, ever moving, never stopping for anyone, except with the blurring lines and melange of colour, today it is more apparent than ever.<p>

Time is like the thief, sneaking around in the back yard at night. To the human ear, years sounds like a long time, but their not, in the big monstrosity of the universe, a year is nothing, a year passes in the blink of an eagle's eye. A year can be what makes or breaks you but in the end they don't matter to the universe, the universe doesn't sit and worry about you, nobody does. I found my first grey hair the other day and all the doubts and problems that haunted me when I was younger came flooding back. Is this what I want to do with my life? I am fulfilling what I was supposed to do? Is this enough? It is never enough.

I step out of the carriage onto the platform, breathing in the high ceilings and long platforms that I know all too well. It's like I've fallen through a portal back to 2009. In my mind's eye, I see a young boy, self-conscious and nervous, playing around with his hair so much it borders on obsessive as he waits. I can see it all, the sight of Phil arriving through the doors, his black hair long, brushing slightly into his bright blue eyes. I can see my own face twitch upwards in a smile as the young boy finally meets not only his idol but also the boy who was his friend when no one else would be. I can see Phil's step quicken as past me walks towards him, wrapping him in a hug that should have been awkward but instead felt familiar and warm. The image forces a smile onto my lips, the two boys oblivious to all who surround them.

Flashing back to the present, I look across and smile at Phil. I turn my head and whisper in his ear,  
>"This is where we first met."<br>"I know." he says before turning to kiss me, making the smile on my face glow even brighter.

Still with my arm flung around Phil's shoulder, I look ahead. Just in front, I see Sammy, his bag almost as big as him as he walks along, lugging it, the wheels biting at his heels like a little puppy. To his left, walks James, his eyes darting back and forth from the giant timetable board to thick crowds that line the place as music drips from the earphones that lie firmly in his ears. We are back in Manchester.

We walk the paths we know so well, each shop a memory so well conserved.  
>"This is wear me and daddy used to live." I say to Sammy and he turns to look at me, his eyes wide,<br>"Really?" he says. I have to hold back a smile, the juvenile youth that sparkles in his eyes and the pure interest that laces his voice reminds me of what I love about the young. There is no hint of sarcasm, no sense of boredom just a genuine interest in life itself. My hand falls into Phil's as memories begin to spill from his mouth like water from a cup.

We are staying with an old friend of Phil's, but first we thought that we would take the boys around the city. We make it just about as far as Piccadilly square before Sammy starts to lag, his little feet falling further and further behind. Phil notices this,  
>"Do you want a ride buddy?" he says as he lifts him onto his shoulders leaving me with the suitcase.<br>"And you're leaving me as the packhorse, great." I say.

We walk round for a while. The crowds are thick and the usual shouts of advertisement and street performers drift through the air. It is hard not to feel nostalgic. We shuffle around all the regular shops which you can find anywhere, giggling as Sammy looks around the Disney shop, his mouth wide open with glee and as James tries to contain his excitement upon finding a t-shirt of his favourite band. But then we decide to go to Afflecks Palace, the best place in Manchester. Sammy grips my hand a little tighter at the sight of the tattoo shop but soon we climb the stairs and into the throng of shops. It's like an explosion of personality, with interests splattering the walls and lights guiding you home. Out of the corner of my eye I see James, pretending to be nonchalant but a secret smile crawling onto his lips.

As we exit Afflecks, the giant structure of the Manchester eye looms above us and Sammy points a chubby finger in curiosity. Phil turns to me and smiles, a real smile, the grin etching it's way across his face and lighting up his eyes. He takes my hand and intertwines it with his own.  
>"It's the eye." I say.<br>"Can we go on it?"  
>"Of course."<p>

We clamber into the pod, feeling lighter as it begins to move. The eye may have changed place but it still feels the same somehow. Nostalgia strikes me for possibly the millionth time today as my mind crashes back to that day, to the feeling of Phil's sweet and yet nervous lips upon my own, infinity the background to our love affair. Well, that's what it feels like, looking over at the city that lies beneath us, the buildings stretching out until the giant mountains of concrete are just tiny dots on the horizon. It feels infinite, like the lines of buildings never end, like you will never reach the end of that rainbow. And that is accurate, in a sense, the buildings never do end, they just join up in one large circle, earth is no more than a simple circle floating in the vastness of space. You'd think this would make me upset but instead it doesn't, it brings a smile to my lips to think that there are people smiling all the world round.

I can see Phil is staring at me and I turn to join our lips in a kiss every bit as sweet as the one that captured my heart all those years ago. I am happy and there is really nothing else that I could ask for in this world.

_**Thank you for reading and please review (I'll give you free socks)**_

_**Also I apologise for the awfulness of the first few paragraphs, I lost them the first time and then tried to recreate what I said and it didn't turn out too good- but I promise you would have liked the first set!**_


	15. Chapter 15 (Age 14)

_**Yes it has been a while but blah blah exams plus this is like twice as long as a regular one so really I make up for it. Thanks so so much to wonderfulfun, uhnonniemiss and witbeyondmeasurexox for reviewing! Here we go;**_

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><p><span><em><strong>James POV<strong>_

The lights are out. Through the walls I can hear the gentle drifting snores of my brother. The moon shines brightly through the window, casting a chalk like light across my room, highlighting the particles in the air like little fairies. I take a deep breath. I shouldn't be doing this. I just want to tuck my duvet back up to my chin and fall asleep, forget the rebel I dreamt of being, but I said I'd be there. Dad always said you shouldn't break a commitment. Yes, I think, but he didn't mean this! I see my clothes hung slackly over the back of my desk chair, calling out my name, just waiting to be thrown over my head, just waiting to enter that party.

I swing my legs out from under my duvet and tiptoe across the room. My feet are arched as I put one in front of the other. The floorboard creaks and my heart turns to ice, risking losing my balance from freezing in such a precarious position. The moon, once comforting, now seems to mock me as a million doubts flash through my mind. I like my parents, why am I doing this to them? What if they wake up and I'm not here? I blow the thoughts away with a sigh and begin to quickly get dressed in what I had spent hours picking out earlier.

Soon all my clothes are on and I can't delay it any longer. With a stomach churning more than a butter churner, I tiptoe back across the room and wrap my fingertips around the small gap that I left in my door. I usually shut it all the way but tonight I didn't want to risk the creaking sound of the handle. A small slither of light whispers through the crack and I almost turn back.

Soon enough I make it down the hall and I am standing outside Sam's room. The door is littered with drawings and wooden blocks spelling out his name in bright colours. His childlike innocence is still in tack, unlike mine. I feel darker as I open the door, not older, but darker, like the sinister plot twist in a film.

Inside the room, Sammy is sleeping, the fluorescent glow of his night lamp lighting up one corner in the otherwise dark room. I can see his features, the soft slide of his nose and the roundness of his cheeks; he's still just a baby. I tiptoe across the room. I am sure I won't wake him, Sam is the deepest sleeper I know. And yet just as I am reaching for the cool glass of his window, I hear him stir. I curse silently. He starts to scream. I can understand the notion, you wake up in the middle of the night to find a shadow creature reaching for your window and you scream. I just wish he wouldn't do it so damn loud. I practically race across the room, shoving my hand over his small little mouth. I feel him struggle below me and I feel worse than ever.  
>"Ssh ssh Sammy, it's okay, it's only me." He squirms some more, his deep brown eyes rigid with fear. His pupils seem to beg me for forgiveness and I am reminded of fish when you catch them, pleading as they slowly suffocate brought out of their world into out own.<p>

I move one hand from his mouth and flick Sam's lamp on, directing it so it shines onto my face. It lights up my bright blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, the exact opposite of the raven curls that tumble from Sam's head and the dark world of his eyes. That's what he had always reminded me of when he was younger, a little raven, quiet and unassuming, watching over us with a wisdom far greater than my own.  
>"Sam, go back to sleep, it's just me." Every hair on my body is alive, every cell that I have praying that my dad's didn't hear. But no one comes rushing so maybe I am safe.<br>"What are you doing here?" he whispers  
>"Nothing, go back to sleep." His eyes drift to the window and back again.<br>"Were you going to climb out of the window?" His six-year-old face may look young and wide eyes might be endearing but he sure isn't slow.  
>"No, no I was just checking something."<br>"What?" he sits up, well and truly awake. I race to think of something.  
>"There was a cat out on the ledge and I just wanted to make sure that it got away safely." Sam seems to accept this with a somewhat worried look running across his face. That boy is wiser than his years, I'm telling you.<p>

I sit in the corner of his room for what seems like years, having told him I would 'watch over him' for a while. Now I feel like the raven. I feel like the raven in every symbolic way you can feel like a raven. I feel deceitful and I feel dark, like my skin has turned into the black feathers of some kind of nightmare creatures.

I look up and Sammy has fallen into slumber. Without hesitation this time, so sick of all the voices in my head, I walk to the window, lift it up and slither down the tree like the snake that I am.

_**Phil's POV**_

I wake up, my mind foggy and my mouth dry. It can't be morning already and it's not. The darkness still coats the town like velvet, I can only just make out the tips of houses through the window. The moon is bright though and that makes me smile, the craters more defined. I don't know why I like the moon so much, maybe it's just the mystery of it all, the idea of open space and something bright enough to light up the world just enough to make out shadows but not enough to disturb slumber. It feels like a light bulb just hanging in the sky, set at the perfect setting with the added bonus of being beautiful to stare at. I was getting off track. My mouth is dry. I feel a warm leg against mine and I look across to see Dan, my chest still lighting up with a pleasurable kind of pull, even after all this time. His brown hair is messy, falling across his face and curling slightly at the ends and his face, although now much more worn that it used to be, still looks childlike in sleep. I smile and press a quick kiss to his forehead before stepping out of bed into the chilly air.

I fumble with the light switch for the corridor, pressing it and then stumbling down the hall. The sleep tickles my tear ducts and blurs my vision slightly; I seem to have forgotten my glasses. I can see well enough though I miss the sharp edges of things, the definition of the objects that surround me. Oh well, blurs of colour can be fun. I make it successfully to the kitchen, managing to twist the tap and let the water flow into the shiny glass. My tongue feels like paper and so I pour it all down my throat at once, like a water slide, before filling the glass once more and pottering back to bed.

Only I notice something on the way back. James' door is ajar slightly. That's odd, he normally seals it tight, can barely sleep if any light infiltrates his palace of darkness. Carefully I press my hands against the wood, pushing it and poking my head round the corner. No shape fills the bed. Maybe it's my eyesight? I think as I tiptoe forward. Then my heart seems to stop. It's not. He's not in the bed. Oh my god. He's. Not. In. The. Bed. Panic strikes me.  
>"James?" I call, my voice hoarse and sleep ridden as I attempt not to wake the whole neighbourhood.<br>"James?!" I shout louder, my desperation leaking through.

**_Dan__'s__ POV_**

I wake up feeling the absence of warmth beside me and the distant cries of a man. Waking up without Phil right there is like waking up to discover I am missing half of my heart. I sit up, rubbing my eyes. What is that noise? It sounds again except this time I can make it out. 'James!' the voice calls and I sit up, what is happening? Before I know it, Phil has stumbled back into our room, his face tear stained and white as a ghost.  
>"I can't find him." he splutters and it's like someone has pushed not one, but two ice blades straight through my pumping heart. I open my arms wide and Phil falls into them, letting me run my hands through his hair like I would with Sammy as he silently sobs into my chest.<br>"Where is he Dan? Where's our son?" I feel too paralysed to speak, it's like all my worst nightmares crammed into one.  
>"What- What's going on?" I manage to say. But Phil seems too worked up to speak. I push him away from my chest and his blue eyes find mine in the darkness, another icy blade through my heart.<br>"I got up to g-get some wa-water and wh-when I went to to check on James, he was-wasn't there and and and I checked the house and I can't find him." I stand up turning all the lights on and shouting louder  
>"James! James!"<p>

I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet and Sammy appears in the doorway, a tiny little blanket clutched in his hands as he sucks his thumb. He looks scared. He runs towards me, seemingly worried about the tears that fall from his daddy's faces.  
>"What's happening?"<br>"Daddy can't find James. But don't worry we'll find him." I say, doubting the words as they flow from my mouth.  
>"James was in my room."<br>"When?" I say, the haze surrendering and my mind clearing.  
>"In the night." I stand up, taking Sammy with me as he clings to my neck, his legs straddling my waist.<p>

The light floods Sammy's room but James isn't there. That's until I notice the window, the curtains billowing just slightly as the breeze hits them.  
>"Did James climb out of this window?" I ask softly. Sammy paused thoughtfully,<br>"He _was _by the window."  
>"PHIL!" I shout and he runs in.<br>"What?!"  
>"I think he climbed from the window." I say motioning in that direction.<br>"What you think he ran away?"  
>"No, no I don't think so, he probably snuck out."<br>"To go to a party.."  
>"But Phil we don't know where he is or what he's doing and he's only fourteen and he could be in danger." I say getting more and more anxious as the words flow on.<br>"Sssh Sssh, Dan, I am sure he's not in danger." Phil says and even though I can tell he is worried too, he is sitting looking after me because he's always there.  
>"Why didn't he ask us?"<br>"He probably thought you'd say no."  
>"Well I would have."<br>"Dan, he is fourteen. You were thirteen when you started to go to parties."  
>"Yeah and look what happened to me, I don't even have a degree."<br>"Ssh ssh." He takes Sammy from me, wrapping his arms around me and letting Sammy fall into his lap.  
>"You are not a failure and neither is James. I'll ring him now."<p>

My head remains in my hands as I see Phil take the phone from the stand in the living room, Sammy in his arms, chewing nervously on his lip as he dials. I don't hear the rest of the conversation.

I don't seem to be able to stop tapping my fingers across the table, or running my hands through my already messy hair or biting my nails. I am nervous. Phil went out in the car to pick up James and Sammy fell asleep across the sofa a while ago. I haven't the heart to move him. This is usually the point at which Phil would hug me or try and help me but he isn't here. I don't know how I have gotten to be a thirty seven year old man who can't deal with things on his own but yet here I am. I don't even know what I want to say to James. I don't know what the proper response is when your fourteen year old son climbs out of a window in the middle of the night and goes to a party.

The door clangs open and in walks Phil and James. James' shoulders are slumped over, his blue eyes darting back and forth over the brown tiles below. I run and hug him, letting the tears that were already threatening to spill pour down my cheeks. James stiffens as I hug him, his body tense. I don't know how I feel, I don't know what to say. I let James go and I see the regret and apology shine in his eyes.

Phil does the talking, doing the speech perfectly without once raising his voice or losing control. I just simply stand behind him, like I always have, and marvel quietly at his adaptability to every situation. Phil agrees that we need to give James more room to breathe and I feel my chest tighten slightly. Seeing the baby I once rocked in my own arms grow up hurts but I nod along reluctantly, letting the pain just stay there as a reminder that life is not always that perfect fairytale.

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><p><em><strong>Okay so yes admittedly I got a little lost at the end and I wasn't really sure where I was going with it but please don't hate me ah it's hard to write. Also, I realised recently that a lot of these chapters contain really unnecessary and pointless philosophical stuff and long metaphors so thank you for putting up with that and also Thank you for reading (especially if you made it this far omg) and please review thanks ok bye.<strong>_


	16. Chapter 16 (Age 15)

_**Ugh I feel bad that it has been a while, but I have finished school now (yay) and so it should be more frequent (?) no promises (although there are only 3 more chapters left anyway) Thank you so much to uhnonniemiss, witbeyondmeasurexox and wonderfulfun for reviewing! Here we go;**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Phil's POV<strong>_

The beep goes off again and I raise my eyebrows, shooting a glance at Dan. Dan's mouth upturns into a little smirk and his eyes sparkle. That's possibly the twentieth time James' phone has gone off in the last minute.  
>"Who is it?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. James doesn't even look up.<br>"It's his girlfriend." Sammy says in a sing-song voice, spooning another heaping pile of cornflakes into his mouth. James blushes, pink rising to his cheeks.  
>"Shut up."<br>"No denial I see." chips in Dan.  
>"Has our little boy got his first girlfriend." I coo and it's worth it just to see James try to hide the smile that is threatening to overrun his face. He doesn't speak.<br>"What's her name?" asks Dan. James finally puts the phone down, setting it onto the table with a sigh. He looks up, his face coloured pink and his mouth twitching, smiling.  
>"She's called Amelia."<br>"When can we meet her?" I ask trying to keep casual but secretly jumping around on the inside, I cannot believe that our son has his first girlfriend.  
>"Umm I don't know." says James, casting his eyes back to the ground.<br>"How about you invite her round here, tonight?" Dan suggests.  
>"What? Don't you think it's a little soon?" James cries, trying to squirm his way out of the situation.<br>"Not really. How long has it been?"Dan asks.  
>"Just erm a few months."<br>"How many?"  
>"Six"<br>"Six months?" I exclaim "You kept this hidden from us for six months?!"  
>"Well I didn't know how to tell you and I didn't know how you'd react and umm I was nervous." James spouts, his face reddening to more of a tomato shade now.<br>"Would you look at that?" I say, turning to face Dan, "Our little boy is growing up."  
>"He certainly is." I say, kissing Dan lightly on the lips making Sammy scrunch his nose in disgust.<br>"Right, time for me and your Dad to work on the radio show." I say, standing up and taking Dan's hand in my own. "You invite Amelia over, okay?"  
>"Okay." James replies, his eyes once again glued to his phone.<p>

I sigh and put the pen down on the desk.  
>"I think we're done."<br>"Yup all planned."  
>"Sometimes I can't believe we still have a show."<br>"I know what you mean, I didn't think we would last a year and now look at us." Dan kisses me, tangling his hands in my hair and letting himself melt into me. I smile.  
>"I'm so lucky." I say.<br>"I know you are." Dan says, his face breaking out into a grin.  
>"James!" I shout down the stairs, "What time is Amelia coming?"<br>"5" I hear him shout back and I look down at my watch, It's nearly half four. Shit, I think, better go make dinner.  
>"Are you making dinner or am I?" I ask Dan, his hand still clasped in mine.<br>"How about we make it together?" I smile  
>"Just like the good old days?" I say with a laugh.<p>

_**Dan's POV**_

The pasta is just starting to boil when the doorbell rings. I turn down the hob, stretching out my left hand and quickly wiping my hands on a tea towel. I go to walk towards the door but I hear footsteps thundering on the stairs as James slides into the kitchen. He takes a look at me, lingering in the doorway of the kitchen and I smile, motioning towards the front door.  
>"Well answer it then." James swiftly moves towards the door and I feel Phil creep up behind me, dinner put on hold for a second. He puts his hands on my shoulders and it steadies me a bit. I have gotten better in the last few years at handling the fact that my kids will one day grow up and leave. I am now not as shaken by the inevitability of either death or loneliness, whichever comes first, but I'm still not perfect. I feel my heart pick up a little but the tingling of Phil's breath in my ear helps to stop my hands from shaking.<p>

The door opens and noise bursts in like the doorway is a kind of portal, trying to suck you into a separate dimension. I try and remind myself to focus my brain can be prone to tangents. The girl is tall and willowy but not quite matching the height of James. Her hair is a lighter shade of blonde than James' and it seems to call attention to itself. Her face is framed by a smile but I notice that she is fidgeting with her hands just above the hem of her dress, I can't blame her for being nervous. James moves awkwardly, stepping to the side to let her in and now the beacon has been passed to us.

My heart is now beating faster than ever and my mouth seems to have gone dry, unable to form any sentence never mind a clear or coherent one. Thankfully Phil has become a bit of an expert at reading my mind over the last twenty years and steps in, squeezing my shoulder encouragingly.  
>"Hi." He says, holding out his hand for her to shake "I'm Phil and this is my husband Dan, nice to meet you."<br>"Nice to meet you too." she says, her voice wavering slightly at the end of the sentence.  
>"Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes." I hear Phil say "Why don't you show Amelia around the rest of the house?" James nods and makes to leave and I turn on my heel, back into the galley kitchen.<p>

"Well that went okay." I say and Phil laughs, letting his ocean eyes light up. I get caught in them, like a fly stuck to a honey trap, unable to be free. But I don't let him see the pure and raw love that is searing through my veins, instead I try my best to look indignant.  
>"What?" I say pointedly.<br>"You didn't say anything! You just stood there like a rock!"  
>"Well it still went okay, can't I claim your success?"<br>"Hmm maybe. Just this once." he murmurs, his body pressed against mine as he presses his lips against mine. The alarrm goes off and he jumps about a mile backwards, almost hitting his head on a shelf that is poking out from the stone wall. Now it is my turn to supress a laugh and I hold my hand against my mouth before ruffling his hair.  
>"It's just telling us the garlic bread is done, Phil." I say and he blushes, blood rising to his cheeks which highlightis his cheek bones and I softly press a delicate kiss to the blushed cheeks before opening the oven and removing the bread.<p>

_**Phil's POV**_

"James! Sam! Tea!" I shout, hearing footsteps clatter above like heavy drops of rain as Sammy comes racing down, slamming straight into his seat and climbing up eagerly, his little elbows pressed against the wood of the table. A few seconds behind are James and Amelia and I watch, hidden behind the entrance to the kitchen, as he pulls out a chair for her to sit on before tucking it back in again, like a proper gentleman. It warms my heart that we have taught him so well.

Dinner goes well although it feels more like an interrogation on Dan's part as he seems to have found his tongue again. He asks endless questions, trying to make them seem vague and general but failing to hide the fact that they were really aimed at Amelia, who seems to be sinking further into her chair with every word. At one point I have to interject and ask Sammy about his day just to let the poor girl eat. But Dan seems to get the hint and falls silent, subconsciously moving closer towards me so his thigh is resting against mine. Across the table I see James sneaking glances and secret smiles to Amelia and I can't help but light up a little. Is it socially acceptable to ship your own child with someone? I don't know. Although I don't know when I've ever stuck to the rules of social convention.

The light fades from the sky to be replaced with the cover of darkness and it is time for Amelia to go. James mutters a quick goodbye, managing to turn the shade of the pasta sauce he had just eaten and me and Dan see her to the door, waving as she goes. With the door shut behind her, I swiftly turn.  
>"She seemed nice." I say, noticing Dan's hand has once again crept into mine.<br>"Yeah she did."  
>"Well I'm glad you like her." James says, stuttering over his words a little and looking like he is wishing to be anywhere else but here.<br>"Aww our son is all loved up." I say to Dan and James' blush darkens,  
>"Shut up." he mumbles, shuffling out of the room.<br>"Don't worry, it's adorable!" Dan shouts up the stairs, a flutter of laughter escaping alongside the words.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you so much for reading and this didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to and I didn't have time to proof read (I will do that soon) so sorry if it's awful but I tried. Review maybe?<strong>_


	17. Chapter 17 (Age 16)

_**Big thanks to witbeyondmeasurexox, wonderfulfun and uhnonniemiss for reviewing the last chapter, you make me smile so freaking much thank you. So without further ado, here we go;**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Dan's POV<strong>_

Every time I click the mouse, my frustration grows, until it has built itself into a knot that is consuming my entire chest. Nothing is going right today. This is the part where I usually need Phil, need him to wrap his arms round my shoulders and tell me it's okay, need him to kiss the top of my head and let the knot melt away, need him to take my hand and lead me away from the endless frustration. But he is out and so I continue to mindlessly stare at the screen, trying to get the paperwork sorted. Every little thing is distracting me. From the sound of a bird tweeting outside to the distant sound of sobbing. Wait, what? I snap my focus from the screen and scoot the chair back, standing up and pacing across the empty room. I poke my head out of the door like a little meerkat. Yes, definitely sobbing. I wander down the corridor and the tears get louder and louder until they are actually tugging at my heart-strings.

As I get closer to James' room I realise; that's where they are coming from. Cautiously, I edge the door open. The room is dark; the curtains drawn and all the lights switched off. It is silent apart from the gentle chokes that he is obviously trying to conceal. I am caught between two worlds. I don't know what to do. On the one hand I want to run up to him and wrap him in a hug and stroke his hair and tell obvious lies to make him feel better, but on the other hand I promised not to mollycoddle him anymore. I end up going for a healthy middle ground. I can't just stand there and watch him cry, it will snap my heart clean in two. I debate about whether to turn the lights on, but decide against it. Trying to make my feet as light as possible, I edge across the carpet. About halfway across he hears me and rolls over, his hair sticking to the left side of his face and his eyes bloodshot and dribbling with tears. His cheeks look puffy and his knees are brought up to his chest. He looks embarrassed to see me. My throat chokes at the scene, it makes my mind flash back to the little boy with big eyes and a scrape on his knee. I definitely have a problem with being over sentimental. I sit down on the edge of his bed.  
>"Do you want a hug?" I say. I guess too many years of living with Phil have made that my automatic response. He shakes his head and the tears leak again. I shuffle closer and wrap my arms round him anyway. I feel his chest move and his fingers clench as he begins to sob harder.<br>"Sssh Ssssh it's okay." I lie. Whatever it is it's clearly not 'okay', barely anything is.  
>"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"<br>"Am-am" He tries to stutter but he doesn't even have to complete the word - I know what he is trying to say.  
>"Amelia?"I ask and I don't even need to question the rest, the evidence is enough. My heart goes out to him, first relationships are tough enough as it is but having your first one last an entire year before the end just makes the pain even worse. Tears scuttle up my throat and I don't know what it is that is getting to me. Granted I have always been a person overly in touch with my emotions and maybe it is just simply the sight of my tear-stained son. But I sense it is more than that, perhaps I am picturing Phil's face and imagining him gone or perhaps it is that the darkness provides a blanket in which pain is just more real and tears can flow masked from the harsh light of the world.<p>

The hug pulls apart and James sits beside me. I lean and put on the lamp, ending the darkness and trying to wash away some of the more obvious pain. I don't ask questions. James may have my emotional side but when it comes to dealing with emotion he is far more like Phil. I like to talk for ages, unleashing all of my problems on whoever is nearby until I feel like the sadness has drained from me. But Phil, he is not like that. To talk about it only makes it worse, makes the pain grow brighter in his chest like a shooting star.

I hear keys in the lock and the sound of feet on the ground. Phil is home. He begins to sing in his deep-throated voice, the sound drifts up the stairs and into my ears. I feel James giggle besides me and my face twitches upwards. Laughter is a beautiful thing anyway but in the midst of tears somehow it becomes even more beautiful.

I hear Phil clatter up the stairs, the song still erupting from his mouth until he finally calls out  
>"Dan! James!"<br>"In here!" I shout and the door handle creaks, revealing an ebony haired Phil with a party hat planted on top his locks. James laughs some more.  
>"Sammy's friends may have gotten a bit carried away when I dropped him off." Phil says with a laugh and somehow the room becomes a little brighter. "Why is it so dark in here?" he says, his eyebrows arching when he sees the scattered pieces of James' phone across the carpet, where they have ricocheted off the wardrobe . I can see tears threatening to spill from James' eyes once more and clearly so can Phil as he walks over, sitting on the other side of James and wrapping his arm around him. A speech topples out of his lips<br>"I don't even have to ask what's wrong, because that would presume the idea that some problems are worse than others, need more attention than others and that's just wrong. I don't have to ask because if it upsets you, it's a problem and that means that I am here for you. I'm also not going to say 'it's okay' because evidently it's not that either but I will say this; 'whatever it is and whatever is upsetting you do not have to let it overrun your life. Your life, just like everyone else's is like a jigsaw made up of thousands of different pieces and just because one piece has begun burning doesn't mean the rest of the jigsaw is on fire. Now that piece may seem like the biggest right about now, but that's not how jigsaw's work, that piece is the same size as every other piece, just as small and just as non-essential as the rest. Okay?" I had let his words lull me to sleep, the soothing sound of his voice entering my mind and controlling me. Phil always knew exactly what to say. I see James nod besides me.  
>"Okay then." Phil says with a gigantic smile, pulling James off of the bed. "Time for some hot chocolate."<br>"Can I have some too?" I say, looking up with eyes wide in hope. Phil sighs,  
>"Go on then, but only because I love you." I smile and follow them out of the door.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Okay so I am not even joking when I say I wrote this in like fifteen minutes so I'm sorry if it's awful and maybe kind of pretentious but the words just sort of poured out so there you go. If you did like it... you could always review (yay)<strong>_


	18. Chapter 18 (Age 17)

_**Yes I am aware it has been over two weeks, no I do not have an excuse or a reason but it's here now! Thank you to wonderfulfun, uhnonniemiss and witbeyondmeasurexox for reviewing the last chapter, here we go;**_

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><p><span><em><strong>Phil's POV<strong>_

My fingers drum on the table and I watch them bounce up, only to fall back down again against the harsh wood of the table. The circle of life. I know my mind is only so focused on the movement of my fingers because it is trying so desperately to avoid the taboo subject- the one that has been plaguing my mind for a few months now. Dan's fortieth birthday. I just don't want to let him down. And there he is opposite me- his hair still falling across his face, his features still angular- still so fucking perfect after all this time. I still expect feathered wings to erupt from his back any time I look at him. He looks up then, away from the food that covers his plate.  
>"Hey, you okay?" he says, his tone casual but his eyes speaking so much more, far more swimming in them than the simple deep brown of his irises. But he doesn't get time to pursue it any further because Sammy buts in, clamouring on again about his day at school. I go back to pushing the peas around my plate, only half listening to Sam and I'm sure looking like the typical teen from the typical teen film.<p>

Dinner ends and I scurry away, telling James that I 'need to talk to him' in the living room. I earn a confused expression from Dan as he clears the plates.  
>"Yeah." James says, his voice deep as he looks down at me, his sandy hair falling into his eyes. When did he get so big? When did he get to be taller than me? It seems like just yesterday that I was bouncing him up and down on my knee as little squeals erupted from his tiny mouth. I shut myself up, it's Dan who's the deep thinker, he worries enough for both of us.<br>"Your Dad's birthday is coming up."  
>"Yeah I know." he says, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. He has grown up so much but his eyes are the same; sparkling blue like little gemstones. They're the same eyes that looked up at me underneath his little baby curls as he curled his tiny fingers around my thumb. I shake myself out of it. What is going on today? Have I mysteriously swapped places with Dan?<br>"Well I would like to throw him a surprise party, y'know, but I don't quite know where to start." He smiles, the same wicked devilish smile that he wore when he was six. I guess nobody really changes, not really. You grow taller, hair gets greyer, skin gets looser but your little quirks tag along for the whole of your life, like a button attached to your favourite coat. James pulls a little black notebook off of the table in front of him and whips a pen from the arm of the sofa. We begin to plan.

_**Dan's POV**_

The door remains shut all night. As the sky grows darker outside, the crack under the door grows brighter, like it's little hands are stretching out, pulling me in. I flick the hands away though, if Phil doesn't want me in their then there's a reason and I trust him.  
>"Right little man." I say, ruffling Sammy's hair as I wait for him to turn the computer off. I find my hand not having to reach down as much as it used to, his little head getting closer and closer to my own. He twizzles round, standing up in the office chair and wraps his arms round my neck, clinging like a baby monkey. The lump in my throat dissolves, his beating heart against mine soothing me, he's not yet too old for hugs, not yet too old too display affection. He's still just a baby. I carry him to his room, pretending to sag beneath his weight. Hoisting him up into one arm, I switch on the light, bathing the room in a warm glow. I can still hear the slight chatter from downstairs, lingering around the rims of my ears. I drop Sammy onto his bed, letting him wriggle under the covers before I tuck him in, planting a kiss atop of his head. As I turn away I hear a small cry of 'daddy' and I turn back on my heel.<br>"Yes." I say softly.  
>"Can you tell me a story?" I sigh, glancing at the clock that hangs from his wall. It's already past his bedtime. Well I guess if Phil is still busy... It can't do that much harm.<br>"Sure buddy. What do you want to hear?" I shuffle towards the small bookcase by his bed, bending down and scanning the shelf.  
>"Can I hear a story about you and daddy when you were younger?" I stand back up, a little surprised, it's not that often that he wants to hear tales of the past. It forces a smile onto my lips.<br>"Yeah, which one?"  
>"Any."<br>"Well one time me and daddy were going for lunch, and we were running late..." the words topple out of my mouth and amusement flickers inside, it's so great to relive old memories, it fills me with a kind of warm glow. That's why sometimes I like to re watch my old videos, once I've got past the cringing and once I've seen through the haze of bad quality, they make me smile like looking through a photo album or watching myself grow from afar.

_**Phil's POV**_

I hear a knock at the door and James quickly shoves the papers under the sofa cushion.  
>"Phiiiil" whines an all too familiar voice.<br>"Yes?"  
>"It's been ages."<br>"We just need a while longer."  
>"What are you even doing?"<br>"You'll see."  
>"But I want to see you."<br>"Why?"  
>"Because I haven't seen you all day." I roll my eyes fondly, he really can be quite clingy sometimes.<br>"Don't worry, you deal with him, I'll finish this off." I hear James whisper and I nod, shooting him an apologetic glance. He takes the paper back out from under the cushion, folding it neatly and putting it in his back pocket.  
>"Thanks." I say, patting his arm as he leaves through the second door, out into the kitchen.<br>"Okay, okay, you can come in now." I sigh, pretending to be exasperated and the door swings open, revealing a slightly apologetic looking Dan. Small smudges of grey linger under his eyes and he looks about ready to collapse.  
>"Come here." I say, patting the spot beside me, turning on the TV as Dan curls into me, resting his head on my shoulder, my arm instinctively snaking around his waist.<p>

A month has passed since the day of planning, and everything seems to be falling into place, each part like an autumn leaf making it's way to the pavement below. I put a finger to my lips as Sammy opens his mouth to speak. The darkness covers us and the door stands right in front. A tray lies in my hands, adorned with pancakes and smoothie as well as a card, his name scrawled across the front. Sammy clutches a present in his grasp, the wrapping paper botchy and torn, tape stuck everywhere. James opens the door with a creak and we all scream 'happy birthday!' Dan jumps up in bed, his smile widening reaching from ear to ear. I tap on the lights, walking cautiously over, handing him the tray and kissing him briefly but sweetly on his lips. I sit on the bed, my shoulder pressed against his and the boys sit at the end, Sammy cross legged and bouncing with excitement and James with his back against the post, one leg crossed and the other swinging free against the duvet and just above the floor. I grab the camera from the beside table and capture the moment, smiles and all.

The day progresses on. Yet another present waiting for Dan at the bottom of the stairs, another perched on a shelf in the fridge, one more hanging from the handle of the front door. As we clamber into the car, another waits on the dashboard and one inside of the car door. With every gift Dan's smile stretches further and further and my heart grows lighter. I instruct him to drive to the place, directing him as he goes. Once we get to the gnarled apple tree I tell him to stop. The road we face is cobbly, all dirt and gravel, tightly blocked in by hedgerows, the branches of trees dipping into the path. I switch seats with Dan, I'll be doing the driving from now on.

James fastens Dan's eyes with a blindfold from behind and he laughs to himself.  
>"You really went all out, didn't you Phil?"<p>

_**Dan's POV**_

The world goes red as I feel cloth tug at my eyes, swift nimble hands darting over my face. I chuckle as the car continues to lurch forward. Even oblivious to all surroundings, I can't wipe the smile off my face. It's not the presents or the food, it's the obvious effort that has been put in, the love that has been poured into today, a love that still surrounds me in the form of three people.

The car halts and my heart flips, what is happening now? The car door clicks beside me as it is flung open, a slight breeze reaching me, stroking my cheek and neck. I feel a hand find mine and I know it is Phil's, his fingers rubbing across the back of my hand as he guides me. I stumble out of the car and into the open, Phil's voice reassuring me as I walk shakily towards an unknown endpoint. He stops and I feel his hands on my shoulder and then on my face as he carefully removes the blindfold.

The sight that greets me is truly stunning. The trees are coated with leaves as bright as day, their colour shaded and dwindled slightly in the fading light of dusk. Their branches and trunks are each twisted in their own unique way, seemingly reaching towards the green grass that lies underfoot. I can hear the trickling water amongst all the rest of the silence and my eyes are dragged to a river, running like a ribbon through the field, sparkling in the last rays of the sun. But the most beautiful of all are the little lights that cling to the trees, like tiny fairies dancing, weaving their way through the leaves, lighting up and revealing just hints of green and brown.  
>"It's beautiful." I whisper, squeezing Phil's hand and tilting my head to kiss him, slowly on the lips, cementing the moment and making the magic just that little bit brighter. Phil pulls away, making a small gesture with his hand behind his back.<p>

Then suddenly the silence is disturbed and a million voices cry out 'surprise!' popping out from behind trees and emerging from shadows. I half laugh, half scream in glee as faces, both past and present, greet me. Arms wrap themselves around me and kisses find their ways to my cheeks and I smile, exactly how did I manage to get a guy like Phil? Not all the stories in the world will ever help me to understand that one.

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><p><em><strong>There you go, incredibly cheesy just like the rest of them. Hope you enjoyed. 10 points if you can guess which story Dan was telling Sam. This is the penultimate chapter and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that but I have had this idea for a while now and I had the first little bit written two weeks ago, I really don't know where time goes it's not like I've done anything. Anyway, if you liked please review!<strong>_


	19. The Final One

_**Okay so here we are last chapter. It's kind of weird tbh I don't know how to feel and yes I am aware that I sound like an idiot right about now but anyway. Thanks to witbeyondmeasurexox and uhnonniemiss for their constant support from the start and help with the story (especially the earlier chapter!) Also thank you to anyone who reviewed or read like wonderfulfun on the last chapter. Here we go;**_

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><p><em><strong><span>Dan's POV<span>**_

I pack the last box into the car, squeezing it amongst all the books and clothes. James is going away to university. Surprisingly, I am quite calm. I have always been the overprotective parent, the one who gets upset over the kids growing up, the one who sheds a tear at the slightest change in their lives. But today my heart is steady and the smile lighting up my face is genuine, only a few tears stinging my eyes. I can see Phil, standing in the kitchen, one eye on me as he washes the dishes, those blue eyes filled with concern and love. But I don't need it, for once feel strong. Because he made it. This fragile little life that I once held in my arms made it, through the bullies and the stereotypes, through heartbreak and mood swings, arguments and judgement. He is like a little bird with a broken wing, I have helped him and cherished him and loved him and now it is time to set him free and I am ready.

Such a lot has happened in the last few months and in my minds eye I can see him all dressed up for prom, a bow tie clutching at his neck and a smile flickering on his face. I can see him opening his results, his eyes sweeping over the page, his smile growing wider with each swoop. And I can see him now, wrapped up in his university hoodie, the hood hanging loosely at the back and the long sleeves falling to below his palms. I would say it is unseasonably cold for September but this is England, no one knows what 'regular' is for the seasons. Except maybe a constant grey drizzle.

With everything packed, I pull the boot down, closing all the boxes inside. It feels ceremonial. Maybe it is. Maybe it's like Jochebed placing little Moses in the box and sending him downstream, towards a better life. I just hope when it comes to it I have the courage to place the box in the river.

James walks out the house, his final bag strapped to his back containing his lunch and documents regarding which room he is staying in etc. We offered to drive him down in the bigger car but he wanted to drive himself there. I could spend time wondering about his choice here, whether it was because it'd be too hard to say goodbye there or it would be too embarassing or maybe simply that he just wants to get used to doing things for himself. But it would be stupid to wonder, I'd like to think that I am over that period in my life, ready to start a new chapter in which I simply trust my children with what they believe in.

Closely behind James is Sam, having shot up recently, his head of messy black hair just touches at James' shoulder. Sam appears to be chatting away avidly to James. Sometimes I wonder what my actual children would look like, what mannerisms and personality pieces I would pass down to them. But I have realised now that I don't need the children to be my own flesh and blood to be able to see myself in them, it happens anyway. I can see myself in Sam and the way he is speaking a hundred miles an hour to try and cover up his sadness, I can see myself in the way James tugs on his sleeves when he's nervous. Mannerisms that they have picked up from me, little things that make me smile. And I don't need the pints of blood that flow through my veins to be the same as theirs, I just need them to love me like a father. And that I have in abundance.

I see James smile as Sam talks, the picture of ease and happiness for all the world to see but I notice the glint of nerves in his eye, it's the same glint that makes me pull him for a hug. I can feel his heart beating against me making my own chest tighten but I calm myself. It is natural for him to be nervous, it is natural for me to be happy.

Somewhere along the line Sam joins in, his arms wrap around my shoulders, his head just high enough for him to prop it on our entwined arms. We break apart and I ruffle his hair.

Phil is stood in the doorway to the house. The bright sunlight lights up his face and makes him look like an angel emerged from the shadows of the house. I smile and wave my hand, motioning for him to come over.

His lips lightly brush mine as he reaches us, his hand gripping hard onto mine, obviously sensing my rising heart beat. Maybe my 'calm' is slipping from my grasp slightly. The stings bury themselves deeper in my eyes, causing them to smart slightly. Phil grips my hand tighter. I can see James' eyes getting redder too and I pull him in with one hand causing another family hug. I can already feel the tight bonds between us stretching out like elastic bands, getting thinner and thinner. I just have to hope they won't snap.

James climbs into the car, small tears running down his cheeks. I can see his reflection in the wing mirror. He beeps the horn once, waving his hand shakily before pulling away. We all wave, my body as close to Phil's as I can get it, my arms gripping onto his waist and my head pressed against his, one hand raised in the wave. I can see my tear drops splash onto the soft grey fabric of Phil's jumper like rain drops into a lake. My heart aches and my eyes sting but they are happy pains. My little bird is finally flying.

Phil pulls me in for a full hug, letting me bury myself in him, feeling his arms encircle me and capture me in their warmth and love. That's what home is to me. Not bricks stacked atop of each other, not an island floating at sea but the beating organ of Phil's heart. I hope that my children will find this one day because they deserve it. Everyone deserves their own Phil. I pull away from his grasp and manage a weak smile.  
>"Do you want to go for some coffee?" Phil asks and I smile, he knows that I would like nothing more than to curl up in the corner of a cafe and enjoy the atmosphere that only such a thing can bring.<br>"Of course." I say, dragging Phil along in one hand and joining my other hand to Sam's. I know that one day all the elastic bands will stretch and some will snap and some will become irreparable but for now I am enjoying the closeness of this little family we have knitted for ourselves and I will continue to cherish every moment; after all it's all you can do in this life.

_**THE END.**_

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><p><em><strong>(I hope that wasn't too cheesy for you) (But seriously thank you all) (okay bye now)<strong>_


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